Chapter 56

I’m not sad at all anymore.

Maybe it’s because she’s being sad for me.

—Zhang Lurang

—

The following year, during the Spring Festival.

Winter break, sophomore year.

The night before New Year’s Eve.

Like usual, after taking a shower, Su Zai Zai curled up under her blanket and called Zhang Lurang.

She lay on her bed, wearing headphones, and grabbed her diary from the bedside table. Using her teeth, she pulled off the pen cap and slowly began writing.

Soon, Zhang Lurang’s voice traveled through the current and reached her ears through the headset.

His voice was low, rich, and slightly hoarse, occasionally punctuated by a few coughs. “What are you doing?”

Su Zai Zai smiled as she wrote, eyes curving. “Writing you a love letter.”

Hearing this, Zhang Lurang’s voice paused for a moment before he asked, “What kind of love letter?”

Su Zai Zai lowered her gaze. Her soft, fine hair scattered messily, with a few strands falling onto her notebook. She brushed them away one by one.

Raising an eyebrow, she said seriously, “I’ll show you when your name appears in my household registration.”

Zhang Lurang: “……”

After writing the last word, Su Zai Zai closed her diary and put it back in its place.

She reached out to turn off the bedside lamp. The sudden darkness made her feel a bit drowsy.

Thinking about tomorrow, Su Zai Zai lazily asked, “Rang Rang, are you spending New Year’s Eve with your uncle tomorrow?”

Since starting college, Zhang Lurang had rarely returned to B City.

The last time she saw him go back was during the summer vacation last year. Even then, he had gone in the morning and returned by evening.

Probably just to see Zhang Luli before he went abroad.

Hearing her question, Zhang Lurang fell silent and didn’t answer.

Su Zai Zai, eyes closed, patiently repeated the question, her voice low and slow, as if she was about to fall asleep.

“Tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve. Are you spending it with your uncle?”

Zhang Lurang’s eyes remained on his computer screen as he absentmindedly replied, “No. He went back to B City to spend it with my grandparents.”

Hearing this, Su Zai Zai’s eyes suddenly snapped open. She asked cautiously, “Then why aren’t you going with him to your grandparents’ place?”

Zhang Lurang didn’t want to be distracted while talking to her.

He got up, walked to his bed, and sat down. After a moment of thought, he answered seriously, “If I leave, no one will take care of Susu.”

Su Zai Zai didn’t ask any further and simply followed his train of thought. “Hearing you say that makes me suddenly feel guilty about leaving Little Short Legs behind.”

Zhang Lurang let out a low chuckle.

At the mention of it, Su Zai Zai leaned over and glanced at the pet bed beside her bed.

Under the moonlight filtering through the window, she could faintly see Little Short Legs sleeping with its eyes closed. Occasionally, it would crack an eye open at the sound of her voice but would quickly drift back to sleep.

Su Zai Zai withdrew her gaze, suddenly at a loss for words.

Through her headphones, she could hear his steady, unhurried breathing.

Su Zai Zai’s lips moved slightly. She felt like she should say something in this atmosphere.

Anything would do.

But before she could, Zhang Lurang spoke first.

His voice was cool and crisp, yet because he was speaking to her, there was a hint of warmth in it.

“Go to sleep. Don’t you have to wake up early tomorrow to visit relatives?”

Su Zai Zai swallowed back her words and, in the end, just asked one last thing.

“Then are you spending the whole day alone tomorrow?”

Zhang Lurang returned to his desk, sat down, and responded softly.

“Mm.”

—

That evening, after finishing the New Year’s Eve dinner, Su Zai Zai strolled around the courtyard as usual.

The small sapling that she and her father had planted together had grown much sturdier over the years.

Su Zai Zai walked over and touched it. The coldness seeped through her fingertips.

She glanced back at the house before heading toward the swing chair and sitting down.

Pressing her feet against the ground, she pushed off, making the swing sway.

The chair was old, and the courtyard echoed with its creaking sounds.

Su Zai Zai thought back to three years ago when she had sent Zhang Lurang a WeChat message right here.

At that time, she had just realized he might have feelings for her.

She had been caught in a cycle of anxious anticipation, struggling with uncertainty.

But what had he said back then…?

Su Zai Zai sniffled and opened her WeChat favorites.

She scrolled down, stopping at a message dated 2013-02-09.

It was a voice message.

She remained silent for a moment before tapping to play it.

—“Let’s get into Z University together.”

Back then, Su Zai Zai had been deeply troubled by the thought of parting.

She had been utterly consumed by her fervent love. Because of that, she had wanted to go to the city where he was.

She hadn’t expected anything in return—she had simply wanted to be where he was.

But Zhang Lurang had said, “Together.”

He had said, “Together.”

Inside the house, laughter and cheerful chatter filled the air, making the winter night feel warm and lively.

Su Zai Zai’s eyes turned slightly red, the color standing out starkly against her pale complexion.

She stood up, slowly pushed open the courtyard’s small iron gate, and walked outside.

Perhaps because everyone was at home celebrating, the streets outside were nearly deserted, eerily quiet.

Su Zai Zai followed the road forward, but in the end, she couldn’t help but start running.

Exiting the neighborhood, she passed a few groups of people walking together here and there.

Most of the shops were closed, and the night felt even more silent.

She reached the bus stop. There was no direct route home from here, and it wasn’t exactly close—about an hour’s drive.

While waiting, she sent a text message to her mother.

Half an hour later, she finally managed to hail a taxi and got in.

The car was warm, and the heater helped thaw her hands, which had stiffened from the cold wind.

Su Zai Zai opened her chat with Zhang Lurang.

After a moment of thought, she inexplicably veered off onto a random topic.

Su Zai Zai: Rang Rang, when people used to ask for your WeChat, did you always say you didn’t have one?

Zhang Lurang: What do you mean by “used to”

Su Zai Zai: Like, before sophomore year of high school.

This time, Zhang Lurang took a while to reply, as if he was thinking.

After a long pause, he replied:

— No one ever asked me for it; they just added me directly.

Seeing this, Su Zai Zai was momentarily stunned, recalling her own friend request that had gone unanswered.

A sudden sense of imbalance arose in her heart.

— Then did you accept them?

Zhang Lu Rang: No, I never checked.

Su Zai Zai kept pulling the conversation further away: Why didn’t you check?!

Zhang Lu Rang: ……

Su Zai Zai: I sent you a friend request back in my first year of high school.

Su Zai Zai: If you had seen it, would you have accepted?

She knew she was setting herself up for disappointment…

Zhang Lu Rang was always honest. He would never lie just to make her happy.

Such an upright boyfriend.

This time, his reply was even slower.

The screen showed “typing…” for a long while, but no message came through.

She wasn’t in a hurry. She tilted her head and looked out the window, watching the streetlights streak past.

The next second, her phone vibrated.

She lowered her gaze and looked down.

— I don’t know.

Meeting Su Zai Zai, Zhang Lu Rang had encountered many things that even he couldn’t understand.

Like lying about not having WeChat instead of outright rejecting her. Like never being able to harden his heart against her.

And… like that time when she asked for his name.

How “idiot” had instinctively slipped from his lips.

Su Zai Zai placed her phone on her lap, once again gazing out the window, her expression dazed.

After a moment, she curled her lips and let out a soft laugh.

Maybe in everyone’s eyes, it seemed like Su Zai Zai was always the one tirelessly chasing after Zhang Lu Rang, always running towards him.

But deep down, Su Zai Zai knew very well—Zhang Lu Rang had always been moving toward her, too.

He silently accepted everything she did, indulging all her actions.

It had started a long, long time ago.

—

After paying, Su Zai Zai got out of the car.

The security guard recognized her, greeted her, and opened the gate.

Su Zai Zai grinned and cheerfully wished him, “Happy New Year!”

The cold wind blew like sharp blades against her face.

She shrank her neck and tightened her scarf as she walked forward.

At the end of the path, she turned left and stopped in front of the first house.

She looked at the windows—inside was completely dark, except for one room on the second floor.

She stomped her foot heavily, triggering the sound-activated lights.

Then, holding her phone in one hand, she used the other to press the doorbell.

Half a minute later, there was movement inside.

He must have seen her through the video doorbell because Zhang Lu Rang immediately opened the door.

His expression was slightly stunned, as if he hadn’t processed what was happening yet.

Because of the underfloor heating, he was only wearing a short-sleeved shirt and shorts, with a damp white towel draped around his neck.

Cold air rushed in through the open door, but he didn’t seem to feel it at all. He didn’t move.

Soon, Zhang Lu Rang stepped back to make space for Su Zai Zai to come in.

She didn’t bring much with her—aside from a few red envelopes, all she had was her phone.

Everything else was left at her grandfather’s house.

She unwound her scarf and asked softly, “What did you eat for dinner?”

Zhang Lu Rang took her scarf, placed it on the sofa, and pulled her hands into his, warming them with his palms.

His eyes dropped, focusing on her cold, reddened fingers.

He didn’t answer her question. Instead, he let go with one hand to pour her a glass of warm water.

Watching her sip slowly, he asked gently, “Why so early today?”

“I came back first,” Su Zai Zai answered honestly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Zhang Lu Rang frowned. “I would’ve picked you up.”

Su Zai Zai dismissed it nonchalantly, puffing up with pride. “This is your New Year’s gift! Aren’t you touched…”

Zhang Lu Rang cut her off, softly calling her name.

“Su Zai Zai.”

“Ah?”

He rested his forehead against her shoulder and repeated, his voice carrying a hint of childishness.

“Su Zai Zai.”

Seeing him like this, the sourness in Su Zai Zai’s eyes resurfaced.

She forced a grin and teased, “I can tell you’re really moved.”

“You’re so good,” he murmured breathily.

After a brief silence,

Su Zai Zai licked her lips and cautiously voiced her guess: “Do your parents favor your little brother?”

He hadn’t expected her to bring this up, so Zhang Lu Rang hesitated. Then, after a pause, he answered, “They did before.”

“Did they treat you badly…?”

At that, Zhang Lu Rang lifted his head and spoke softly. “Not really.”

Maybe it was the mood tonight, but his voice carried a rare trace of childishness.

“Su Zai Zai, my little brother is amazing.”

She listened quietly, saying nothing.

“He skipped grades in elementary and middle school. I truly thought he was incredible, and I never felt inferior to him. Every time I talked about him with my friends, I felt proud.”

“Even when my friends said I wasn’t as good as him, I was never upset.”

“…But my parents, they made me sad.”

The deepest wound in Zhang Lu Rang’s heart was inflicted by the people closest to him.

Because of them, he started to care about what others thought.

The voices around him—those he once thought were insignificant—suddenly grew unbearably loud, relentlessly criticizing him.

Leaving him nowhere to hide.

— “Hey, Zhang Lu Rang! You’re not going home?”

Home?

Zhang Lu Rang didn’t want to go back. Not even a little.

From a long time ago, just thinking about going home…

…filled him with fear.

Su Zai Zai opened her mouth, but before she could speak, her voice caught in her throat.

Zhang Lu Rang paused, then gently wiped away the tears at the corner of her eyes, fumbling to comfort her. “But that was all in the past. I’m only staying here because I’m preparing for next semester’s Mobile Internet Innovation Competition.”

Su Zai Zai lowered her gaze and said slowly, “I’m not good at comforting people.”

“I’m not sad,” he chuckled softly.

“I can only tell you a joke.”

Zhang Lu Rang rubbed the top of her head and said, “Then tell me.”

Su Zai Zai tilted her head, deep in thought.

He watched her quietly, the corners of his lips slightly curved.

“There’s someone in my heart,” she said. “I call him Rang Rang.”

Su Zai Zai lifted her eyes to meet his, her gaze curved into a smile.

Hearing this, Zhang Lu Rang raised his brows and smiled too.

“But he never lets me,” Su Zai Zai added.

He never gives in.