Divorce by Agreement C08

Chapter 8

#This motherf***er is a relationship scammer!

Early in the morning, Xie Zhuo and I walked out of the Clear Bamboo Courtyard.

I transformed myself to look exactly as I had five hundred years ago, down to the clothes and hairstyle. Xie Zhuo made some adjustments too—but honestly, he hadn’t changed much in five centuries. Still the same old black outfit, barely needing any tweaks.

“Remember, I’ll be operating in that shabby little cave today. I swear I won’t let Xie Xuanqing wander off. You, just take Xiaxia anywhere—anywhere but that cave. If you show up there, the world’s hard rules are gonna swallow us whole…”

I was warning Xie Zhuo, but he was staring, totally fixated on the stuff in my hands. Worried he wasn’t listening, I elbowed him lightly. “You hear me?”

Instead of answering, he pointed at the things I was holding and asked, “A jar of wine and… a jar of chilies?”

“Yeah.” I shook the two jars proudly. “I went out overnight to find them.”

Xie Zhuo’s gaze flicked between the jars and my face. His lips pressed into a tight line—not his usual serious silence, but a look of someone struggling to hold back words on the tip of his tongue.

He was suppressing…

He fought with himself for a long while. In the end, he said nothing, just turned around and walked off without a word.

Looking at that “dare not speak but burning with fury” expression, I was thrilled. It was the joy of a liberated serf singing their heart out.

Five hundred years! Five centuries! And finally, I could stand proudly in front of Xie Zhuo, clutching these two things, without having to hear him nag or whine!

So satisfying!

Best part? Watching him swallow back all his usual crap!

Goddamn it felt good!!

Divorce really is a blessing for immortal life!

Beaming with joy, I shouted at his retreating back, “After you drop Xiaxia off tonight, remember to come back early!”

He walked away without a glance back, looking as decisive as ever.

I was in too good a mood to care. Carrying the jars, I hopped and skipped my way toward the cave.

I didn’t know what Xie Zhuo planned to do with Xiaxia. I just knew what I needed to do—

If it’s something that pissed off Xie Zhuo, I’d make sure it happened today.

Following my memory, I found the cave. Right at the entrance, I hesitated a little. Took a deep breath, fixed my hair, and finally stepped inside.

It was pitch black inside, and I didn’t immediately see him.

“Xie Xuanqing?” I called out. In the darkness, a pair of grey eyes opened and reflected the light like a wild beast.

My eyes gradually adjusted—and I saw him.

Sure enough, five hundred years ago, Xie Zhuo wore a black robe, sitting in the corner of the cave, knees drawn up, leaning against the stone wall.

But his expression…

Our eyes met—and an inexplicable chill ran down my spine. A murderous aura?

But I’d just arrived. I shouldn’t have slipped up already, right? Could it be… the wine and chili jars pissed him off that much? Did he really hate these two things deep in his soul?

I stood a few meters away, too spooked to move.

This Xie Xuanqing was completely different from what I expected. In my memory, Xie Zhuo had never looked at me like this.

He was like a sharp, cold sword, ready to strike—like he was waiting for the perfect chance to stab me in the heart.

“You… not feeling well?” I asked, braving the tension.

Hearing my voice, Xie Xuanqing’s eyes shifted. He frowned, but kept staring at me without blinking.

“Jiuxia?”

I didn’t dare not respond. “Yeah?”

His voice was low and strangely familiar. “Come here…”

I swallowed my fear, clenched my teeth, and mustered the courage to approach him. I crouched down in front of him and set down the two jars. “What’s wrong?”

Xie Xuanqing suddenly sat up straight. In an instant, the safe distance between us vanished. His nose was nearly brushing my neck. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my skin.

I broke out in goosebumps.

Not wanting to overreact and seem weird, I held still.

He sniffed twice, then lingered near me for a bit. Eventually, I had to prompt him, “Xie Xuanqing?”

It was like that brought him back. He slowly leaned away and looked at me again. The killing intent was gone, replaced with a kind of puzzled confusion. “What… did you eat?”

That question threw me.

From the moment I entered this cave, Xie Xuanqing had been throwing off my entire plan.

But now, he seemed more like the Xie Zhuo I remembered. I steadied myself, mirrored his confusion, and asked, “What do you mean, what did I eat? Just some regular food. Why ask?”

Xie Xuanqing tilted his head slightly and studied me for a moment, then fell silent.

He’d always been the quiet type, even five hundred years ago.

I started to get my rhythm back. I lifted the wine jar and set it in front of him. “Guess what I brought you! I figured since your injury’s almost healed, we could celebrate a little—let’s drink!”

Injured in the morning, forced to drink—every bit of this pushed all his buttons.

Suddenly, I felt like these five centuries had led to this moment—where I could become a woman who lived right on Xie Zhuo’s nerves.

“Here!” I shoved the jar toward him. “Bottoms up!”

Xie Xuanqing didn’t seem to know how to react. He blinked twice at the wine jar, which—thanks to my enthusiasm—had spilled some wine onto his chest. He sat there in awkward silence, blinked again, and looked up at me. “Jiuxia,” he finally said.

My heart leapt. Here it comes! He can’t take it anymore, can he? Go on, yell at me!

I smiled and waited.

“Just one jar?” he asked. “If I drink it, what about you?”

“…Excuse me?”

Was he blaming me for not bringing enough?

I never expected that kind of response.

“I…” I blurted out without thinking, “Do I even deserve to drink wine?”

Xie Xuanqing looked dead serious. “Why not?”

I stared at him, dumbfounded. After a long pause, I set the wine down and picked up the jar of chilies. “What about these? Can I eat them too?”

He stared at the full jar, paused, and replied, “Spicy things expel dampness. But you can’t treat it like a meal.”

I was shook.

I dropped the chili jar and slid backward three steps like a duck, staring at Xie Xuanqing like he was a ghost.

What the hell? Is the sky falling? Is the ground collapsing? This man—with this face, this mouth—actually said something like that!?

“You don’t hate drinking? Or eating spicy food?”

Xie Xuanqing looked puzzled, but nodded anyway.

Still stunned, I asked again, “So I can drink in front of you? Eat spicy food?”

He nodded again…

I plopped down on the ground.

Damn it, I get it now.

No wonder I fell for this guy back then—this strange creature, loving him for no reason, giving him my whole heart, blindly proposing to him and happily marrying myself off. So this is how he tricked me five hundred years ago before we even got married?

He’s a damn emotional con artist!

When Xie Xuanqing saw me sit on the ground, he finally frowned and said something I was all too familiar with: “The ground is cold…”

Hearing those three words, I finally felt that the Xie Xuanqing in front of me was the same person as the Xie Zhuo in my memories.

Now that was the vibe.

I reminded myself again to keep it together.

I got back up, glanced at Xie Xuanqing, then looked at the two jars in front of him.

A Xie Xuanqing who eats spicy food and drinks completely threw off my plans. But no matter how well he acts, I’ve known for five hundred years that this man does not eat spicy food or drink. That’s an unbreakable rule.

Now, in order to get me into bed and marry him, of course he’s going to fake it. But his body must still hate those things. So even if he says otherwise…

I pinched my chin and thought for a moment. Then, quick as lightning, I grabbed a chili pepper and stuffed it straight into Xie Xuanqing’s mouth before he could react.

“Try it, this one’s delicious.”

As I said it, I shoved the chili in whole.

Xie Xuanqing choked.

But once my hand let go, he still chewed slowly and swallowed the chili. He shook his head. “You shouldn’t eat it on its own.”

I picked up the wine jar, grabbed his chin, and poured a big mouthful of wine down his throat without giving him a choice. “It goes well with wine.”

Xie Xuanqing choked on the wine too.

Chili and liquor—just thinking about it made me cringe.

He covered his mouth and coughed, and it looked like he was even trying to suppress the coughing on purpose, as if he didn’t want me to feel embarrassed.

Once he got through the burning in his chest and throat, he looked up at me, a bit helplessly, and said, “You shouldn’t eat like that.”

No blaming me. No scolding. Just worried—worried I’d feel the same pain he did.

I stared at this version of Xie Xuanqing, my heart giving a little jolt. And then I understood why my past self had loved him so deeply.

If he isn’t just acting right now… then it must be that after we got married, he really changed too much.