Chapter 92 – The Republican-Era Young Lady Stops Making a Fuss 3: If Only She Could Stay This Well-Behaved

He Dusheng gave the order in a whisper: “Bring another table over, and clear up the things on my desk.”

The young clerk was quick-witted. He made no sound in reply, only bent his waist lower to show he understood.

Song Xuange was sleeping deeply, and He Dusheng maintained an awkward posture all afternoon, working with just one hand. Sometimes, when he saw that she was getting warm and sweating on her forehead, he even had to stop and fan her to cool her down.

But he did not find it bothersome in the slightest. A smile lingered at the corners of his lips the whole time.

Until A-Xiang appeared in the doorway.

Only then did He Dusheng have no choice but to carefully slip his finger free and walk out. After closing the door behind him, he beckoned A-Xiang over and questioned him.

Since the matter concerned the mistress of the house, A-Xiang had his reservations. He knew better than anyone how his master treated his wife, so how could Madam be so heartless…

A-Xiang worried inwardly. But in the end, he was only a servant.

When he saw He Dusheng come out, he still lowered his head and reported everything plainly and in full, only hoping that Sir would be able to take it in stride.

A-Xiang merely recounted how he had investigated and what facts he had uncovered, without any personal emotion.

He kept it brief and to the point. Receiving no response, A-Xiang lowered his head even further. “According to that lady doctor, the woman carrying this handbag was around three months pregnant…”

He phrased it tactfully, not stating outright that the person had to be Song Xuange, instead referring to her indirectly.

Yet how could He Dusheng fail to recognize his own wife’s handbag? He cared about every detail concerning her. Even a brooch or a hairpin, he would know it on sight.

What’s more, three months… counting back to the only time they had ever shared a bed, it was about the same time.

All of Song Xuange’s unusual behavior today now had an explanation.

Half from shock, half from guilt?

In her ruthlessness, she had aborted the child.

Though she was a wife, in the end she was still just a young girl.

She must have been badly frightened, mustn’t she?

But she had not wanted their child.

She had not even been willing to let him know that this child had once existed. Did she really despise him that much, hate him that much?

That realization filled him with grief and despair. Overcome by a rush of anguish, his vision swam, and he staggered.

A-Xiang moved to support him, but He Dusheng brushed him off. Reaching out, he grabbed the balcony railing to steady himself, breathing hard.

Why hadn’t she told him? Why hadn’t she told him?

A-Xiang’s hand remained half outstretched. “Sir?”

He Dusheng waved a hand. “I’m fine. Go on. No one can know about this today.”

“A-Xiang understands. Please don’t worry, Sir. Then this handbag…?”

“Burn it. Don’t let Madam notice.”

A-Xiang bowed again, gave a salute, and took his leave.

He Dusheng stood under the corridor for a long, long time.

–

Just as Song Xuange was on the verge of waking, she found her hand empty, and at once she jolted awake.

When she opened her eyes, He Dusheng was nowhere to be seen.

She feared that everything from before had only been a dream.

“Dusheng, Dusheng, He Dusheng…”

Her urgent calls finally brought He Dusheng, who had been standing in the corridor, back to himself. He wiped his face, turned, and went back into the room, answering repeatedly as he came, “Yeah, I’m here, coming.”

Song Xuange was anxious and did not even put on her shoes. The moment she heard his voice, she immediately followed the sound, afraid that if she was even a moment late, that voice would disappear.

Only when the figure in the moon-white long robe with subtle embroidery appeared before her did she hurry forward and grab one of his hands. The warm touch came to her clearly, and only then did her heart settle.

The hand she had seized paused for a moment, then closed around hers in return. Then he frowned. “Why aren’t you wearing shoes?”

She was light, and before He Dusheng had even finished speaking, he had already wrapped one arm around her waist and lifted her up, carrying her back to the sofa. Once she was seated securely, he flicked aside his gown, turned sideways, and knelt on one knee on the floor to put her shoes on.

Because of the position and movement, the muscles in his back were drawn taut, strong and powerful. He looked nothing like the refined gentleman he usually seemed to be in his long gown.

But his hands were incomparably gentle.

From Song Xuange’s angle, looking at him in profile, even the corners of his eyes were red.

“What happened to your eyes?”

He Dusheng finished putting her shoes on, set her feet down from his lap to the floor, and smiled at her. “I stood on the balcony for a while. The sun got in my eyes. It’s nothing.”

Then he asked, “I’m done with work. Shall we go home together?”

“Okay.”

She answered with a bright smile, unusually content.

She kept staring at him as if she could never get enough of looking.

He was still healthy and well. They had not divorced yet. How wonderful. Their child was still there. How wonderful.

He dismissed the driver who usually drove them and took the wheel himself to bring her home.

With only the two of them in the car, silence settled for a while.

Song Xuange could no longer remember very clearly what had happened in their lives at this point in time.

After all, the last time around, after her massive hemorrhage, she had gone straight to the hospital and stayed there for quite a long while.

At this moment, she could not find any fresh topic to talk about, and since she did not know his preferences and habits all that well, she opened her mouth several times without knowing what to say.

In the past, whenever they were together, he was always the one to find things to talk about, and back then she had been exhausted from dealing with it. But now that he was not speaking, even silence became hard to bear.

Fenglong Rice Shop was not far from the Song Residence, only a little over twenty minutes by car.

They did not speak the entire way.

After arriving home, servants naturally came forward to park the car.

Once he got out, He Dusheng walked around to Song Xuange’s side and opened the door for her. It was something he always did, for he had always treated her with thoughtfulness and care. It was just that before, she had never seen it.

Song Xuange was about to get out of the car, but He Dusheng reached in and, without giving her any chance to object, lifted her into his arms.

She hurriedly clung to him. “I… you…”

He Dusheng said, “Weren’t you dizzy? I’ll carry you back.”

They entered the inner courtyard.

“Miss, what is this…” Nanny Wen cried out.

Nanny Wen had worked for the Song Family for many years and could be said to have watched Song Xuange grow up. Calling her half an elder would not be an exaggeration.

“Nanny Wen, I’m fine,” Song Xuange reassured her.

He Dusheng said, “The sun outside was strong. She got a little dizzy from it.”

Returning to the room she had lived in for twenty years, Song Xuange felt surging emotion in her chest, filled with countless feelings.

She sat down on the bed and tilted her face up to He Dusheng. “I’m going to sleep a little more.”

He Dusheng crouched down to remove her shoes. “All right. I’ll keep dinner warm on the stove for you. You can get up and eat after you’ve slept enough.”

He did not look at her.

Then he brought over a hot towel and stood by the bed, hesitating slightly. “Shall I wipe you down a little?”

Only after seeing her agree did he wipe her hands. When he finished, he wiped her feet as well, doing it carefully and gently.

He did not even look at her.

They had never been this intimate before.

Even when she was hospitalized for severe bleeding, it was Nanny Wen and the maids at home who took care of her.

When he came to visit her in the hospital, she would pretend to sleep. However long he stayed, she would keep sleeping. Of course, much of the time she was only faking it. But what else could she do? If she did not pretend to be asleep, she did not know what to say to him, nor how to face him.

He probably knew that too. Later, he stopped coming so often during the day. Nanny Wen said he always waited until she was truly asleep at night before going in, and once there, he would stay for hours.

Once, she woke in the early hours of the morning, and he had not had time to leave yet. She saw him slumped awkwardly asleep in the chair by her bed…

How had she managed to be so blind and so numb back then? She could not see his devotion or his goodness, and all she wanted was to chase after the “love” she had imagined for herself.

She stubbornly believed he was old-fashioned and rigid, that everything he did for her came only from her father’s dying wish and his role as the “husband” in an arranged marriage. She thought he did not understand love.

She had been so foolish, so naive, so cruel.

His love had merely been restrained and understated. Gentle as spring rain, it seeped into all the little details of everyday life without a sound.

She accepted his kindness as her due and rejected his love. No matter how much feeling he gave, she could no longer see it.

She lay back down.

Still, she reached for his hand. “Stay with me.”

“All right. I’ll wait until you fall asleep.”

He Dusheng had never said no to her.

Her dreams were strange and chaotic, and she slept uneasily.

When she woke again, she had no idea what time it was or even what day. It took her a while to remember her current situation.

He Dusheng was still sitting by the bed, reading a book under the lamp.

He looked over at her. “Awake? Get up and eat a little. There’s brown sugar millet porridge, and I stewed chicken too. If you don’t want porridge, I can make wontons in chicken broth.”

“It’s no trouble. I’ll eat whatever there is.”

She had slept too long, and she truly was a little hungry.

The brown sugar millet porridge was a lovely amber color, thick and fragrant, and not overly sweet. Song Xuange drank three bowls in a row.

Seeing how heartily she ate, Nanny Wen was delighted too.

She even took the chance to sing his praises. “Sir watched over it and cooked it himself. The millet was specially picked out, and even the brown sugar was boiled in water and filtered ahead of time. It took quite a bit of effort.”

She looked toward He Dusheng, who was filling her bowl.

He only smiled at her. “Nanny Wen is exaggerating.”

By the time they finished eating, it was already past ten. But she had slept too much during the day and did not feel like going to sleep just yet.

She lay in bed waiting for He Dusheng.

After their marriage, the two of them had slept in the same room.

Though nothing had ever happened…

At first, it had been to reassure their parents and put them at ease. After both parents passed away, it became something He Dusheng insisted on. Like calling her by name, it was one of the few things he rarely ever compromised on.

In the past, she had assumed he did it for appearances’ sake.

He Dusheng was still reading that book of his, and it did not seem to be going very well. He looked as pained over it as she did in gym class.

The clock crept closer to eleven.

Song Xuange could not help speaking up. “Aren’t you going to sleep?”

He Dusheng closed the book and stood up.

It looked as though he was finally willing to go to bed.

Song Xuange rested a hand lightly over her lower abdomen and smiled at him. “I have something to tell you.”

Now that he knew they had a child, he should be happy, shouldn’t he?

She saw his body turn stiffly back around, and he tucked the book under his arm.

“Am I keeping you from sleeping? I’ll go to the study.”

The words at Song Xuange’s lips were swallowed back down, because he had already gone out and shut the door behind him.

After He Dusheng left the bedroom and entered the study, he tossed the book from under his arm straight onto the desk. He did not even turn on the light, only went straight to the soft chair and leaned back in it.

Before his eyes was a wash of darkness, and around him there was only silence.

But what flashed through his mind was still the bewildered panic on her face when she saw him earlier that day, along with A-Xiang’s report.

Those scenes repeated themselves over and over, again and again…

He Dusheng did not want to hear her speak. He did not want to hear her describe the ruthless way she had gone about it. It was as if, so long as she did not say it out loud, their child still existed between them. He was deceiving himself, fleeing from the truth.

Why had his naive and cruel “Miss” not told him before the operation?

Even if all she had told him was that she did not want the child.

Then he would have respected her. She was still in school, and she still did not trust him. He understood all of that.

But he had never imagined that Song Xuange would choose to act first and inform him afterward.

In the darkness, he let out a mocking laugh at himself.

Why could she not understand?

What he cared about had never been the child. What he cared about was her, and the way she treated him.

And her attitude was this: she did not want their child.

He threw a punch, slamming it into the wall. The dull pain in his knuckles reined in his emotions a little.

After sitting there quietly for a long while until he calmed down, he returned to their bedroom.

The soft, steady sound of breathing from the bed testified that the mistress of the room was fast asleep.

He Dusheng stepped closer and gently brushed aside a strand of hair that had fallen across the bridge of her nose in her sleep.

Only when she was asleep could this cruel little girl be so well-behaved.

How wonderful it would be if she could stay this obedient forever.