Chapter 8 Gratitude of an Ungrateful Female Lead 8: Shadows from Girlhood

Zhou He was sulking in a corner, wondering if she should just stay here and pretend to be a mushroom from now on.

Xie Qingjia pushed the door open and came in, a bottle of pungent medicated oil¹ in his hand.

She was too embarrassed to face anyone, so she gave up pretending and asked grumpily, “What?”

“Didn’t you hurt your hand just now? I’ll rub some on it for you.”

Zhou He said, “Just leave it there. I’ll do it myself.”

“You won’t be able to do a good job on your own.” Xie Qingjia’s tone left no room for argument.

Seeing that Zhou He still didn’t move, he jerked his chin. “Your clothes.”

It was March.

Zhou He was wearing a shirt with a vest over it. She dawdled, awkward and hesitant, then slowly undid the buttons and exposed her shoulder.

Even though they’d been boyfriend and girlfriend for many years, they had basically never seen each other fully exposed. She still had to put on a bit of an act and be reserved about it.

Xie Qingjia, on the other hand, looked completely serious, his expression no different from the way someone might look at a pig’s trotter.

Well… that worked too. Otherwise it would’ve been way too awkward.

Besides, his hands were so heavy that the pain made her bare her teeth. “Can’t you be gentler?”

“If this pain can make you think twice the next time you feel like playing with a knife, that’ll be good enough.” His hands pressed even harder.

Oh? So he was a little mad after all.

She teased him, “You’re that worried about me?”

Xie Qingjia said, “I am.”

Tsk… he was being so straightforward that she couldn’t even keep teasing him. So she turned serious and reassured him, “Don’t worry. I know my limits. I’m not that crazy.” When he still didn’t react much, she softened her voice to coax him. “I’ve only been with you for a few years. I haven’t had enough yet. Life is so long, and I’ve got a wonderful future waiting for me. There’s no way I’d hurt myself over people who don’t matter.”

The large hand rubbing her shoulder paused for a few seconds, then started moving again.

Only after a long while did its owner respond with a low, “Mm.”

Another “mm.” Would he get charged for saying two more words?!

Zhou He caught up on some sleep in the room for a while when someone knocked at the door. She thought it was Xie Qingjia again, but the person who came in was actually Xie Lingge. She was carrying a bowl covered with a slightly smaller upside-down bowl as a lid. The tempting fragrance of rice and meat drifted out from it.

Xie Lingge set the bowl on the cabinet. “Xie Chonghu and the others roasted sweet potatoes and taro. I saved you some.”

Zhou He was flattered and surprised. The sun really must’ve risen in the west. Her little sister-in-law had never treated her this well before.

Xie Lingge probably felt awkward herself too, and her tone was none too friendly. “What’s with that look? It’s not poisoned. Seriously. You’re a grown woman and you can’t even handle a knife without hurting yourself. If you weren’t injured, I wouldn’t have saved any for you.”

“Alright, alright, I got it. Still, thanks, Lingge.” Zhou He beamed.

“Just eat!”

Xie Lingge turned and strode out.

–

The smell of the medicated oil was incredibly strong. Even after several hours, Zhou He still smelled like a human bottle of it. Whenever she passed by, she brought a gust of spicy scent with her.

Even the children who followed their Great King around covered their little noses and refused to play with her.

“Great King, we’re only leaving you for now. We’ll come back.”

Zhou He: You really don’t have to be that loyal, thanks.

The flowing banquet was still going on. As Zhou He passed around the outer edge of the tables, she felt an intense gaze on her. She looked back and found a middle-aged man with greasy hair and a worn leather jacket.

Zhou He recognized him. He was the nearly twenty-year-older marriage prospect the Zhou Family couple had picked out for her ten years ago. He was also a relative from the maternal side of the Zhou Family’s eldest aunt.

Because Xie Qingjia had stepped in, the marriage never happened. Supposedly, the Zhou Family’s eldest aunt even picked a fight and had a huge argument with Zhou He’s parents over it. That same year Zhou He refused the marriage, the man married another girl from elsewhere who had dropped out of school.

That girl’s family was poor, and the bride price was only sixty-eight thousand, a full hundred thousand less than what Father Zhou had asked for. The eldest aunt never stopped mocking them over it, saying it was a good thing Zhou He hadn’t agreed, or that man would’ve had to spend another hundred thousand to get a wife.

Zhou He remembered that when she took the college entrance exam, the child that girl had borne him was already almost one year old. By now, they seemed to have three children already.

Zhou He looked at the thin, undersized woman sitting beside the man, along with several filthy children. She was about the same age as Zhou He, yet she looked like her life had already been drained dry. Timid and shrinking in on herself, she even ate cautiously.

Zhou He felt awful. If not for Xie Qingjia, she might have ended up living the exact same fate as that thin woman. And if not for Xie Qingjia, would that woman’s life now be any different?

The middle-aged man’s gaze on Zhou He was brazen and unrestrained. The thin woman had clearly noticed. She shot a quick glance in Zhou He’s direction, then immediately lowered her eyes again and never looked over a second time.

Even after so many years, Zhou He still had a bit of a shadow in her heart when it came to that man. She reached out and grabbed the sleeve of Xie Qingjia, who was walking ahead of her.

Xie Qingjia caught her hand in return. “What’s wrong?”

At that moment, he noticed the middle-aged man too. After glancing at him, he moved around to the outside and blocked the line of sight aimed at Zhou He. Without saying anything, he held her hand and quickly led her away, typing a message on his phone as he walked.

Not long after, her cousin Meng Qiu came over calling for her. “Xiao He, come quick. I need your help with something.”

“Huh?”

Xie Qingjia patted Zhou He lightly on the back and soothed her with a smile. “Go with your cousin. I’ll come find you in a bit.”

Meng Qiu sounded so solemn that Zhou He thought something serious had happened. In the end, all she did was ask Zhou He to watch her one-year-old younger son while she went to the bathroom and make sure he didn’t suck his fingers.

What a huge favor. What an incredibly important mission~

Xie Qingjia came back forty minutes later and took her to eat at the last seating. Zhou He was still complaining to him about the “super difficult” task Cousin Meng Qiu had assigned her.

Xie Qingjia listened quietly, then explained, “A child that young is very hard to care for. They need someone with them twenty-four hours a day. By helping your cousin watch the child, you’re giving her a little bit of time that belongs only to her. Of course that’s important to her.”

“Is that so?”

“What else would it be?”

“Fine.” Zhou He reluctantly accepted the explanation.

The final seating was mostly for the host family and the people helping in the kitchen. As they ate, Zhou He kept an eye out for a while and saw that the middle-aged man was no longer at the Xie Family house. She let out a sigh of relief, and her body unconsciously relaxed.

Xie Qingjia put some food in her bowl. “Stop looking around. Focus on eating.”

“Oh.”

Zhou He turned her attention back to the meal. When Xie Chonghu reached for some food, she noticed that several of his finger joints were wrapped with Band-Aids.

“Chonghu, how did you get hurt?”

Her sudden question seemed to startle him. Xie Chonghu choked twice, then shoved a huge mouthful of rice into his mouth before mumbling, “It’s nothing. I accidentally banged it while moving something just now.”

And Aunt Xie, who was sitting beside him, immediately scolded him, “You’re already so grown up, and still not steady at all when you do things.”

–

That night was Zuoye, the most important ritual of the memorial. The filial sons and worthy grandsons² had to perform a very complicated set of rites to formally say their final farewell to the deceased.

Put simply, this ritual was a very long sequence of kneeling and bowing, accompanied by suona horns and percussion.

During the ritual, a Yin-Yang Master acted as the caller, shouting commands like “Kneel,” “Bow,” and “Rise” to control the overall rhythm.

According to customary practice, the caller and the gong-and-drum troupe had to be given white envelopes³, to prevent them from making things difficult for the host family during this part because they felt they hadn’t been properly treated. For example, not calling for people to rise at the usual time, or making sure certain people’s incense wouldn’t light.

Uncle Xie came over to ask whether the two of them had any cash on them, because they were still short some small bills for the white envelopes.

Xie Qingjia took out his wallet and opened it. It was empty. He stood up. “I’ll go withdraw some. I’ll be right back.”

Zhou He stopped him. “I have some here. I withdrew it the day we came back, and I haven’t used any of it yet.”

She took out the money and handed it to Uncle Xie.

She was just a little puzzled. When they’d left that morning, she’d clearly seen at least several thousand yuan in Xie Qingjia’s wallet. Where had he spent it all in a single day? Still, there were a lot of expenses during times like this, so she didn’t ask.

The memorial rites were long and complicated. Zhou He knelt in the middle of the line, kowtowing devoutly as she bid the old lady farewell.

That night, hardly anyone slept at all. The rites did not end until very late.

Early the next morning, they had to escort Grandma up the mountain again and lay her to rest in the grave. Only then would the entire funeral finally be over.

The ritual master had set the departure time for 6:40 in the morning, so breakfast had to be served by 5:30 at the latest. The kitchen started bustling before three.

For a traditional rural burial, the heavy coffin had to be carried by manpower from the family home all the way to the gravesite. It was hard physical labor, so everyone had to eat first.

The filial sons and worthy grandsons of the bereaved family basically had no time to eat. They had to hurry and prepare for the trip up the mountain. And to thank those who came to help, the family would hand out white mourning envelopes the previous morning to everyone present.

Anyone who received a white mourning envelope would join the funeral procession. So under normal circumstances, the procession was always extraordinarily long. If the grave was close by, sometimes the coffin at the very front would already be in the grave while the tail end of the wreath-bearing crowd still had not even left the house.

The day Grandma was taken up the mountain happened to fall on Qingming Festival⁴.

It had started raining a little after one in the morning, and the closer it got to the burial time, the harder it poured.

When the weather refused to cooperate, it was the funeral procession that suffered.

The mountain path was muddy, slick, and hard to walk on. The rest might have been manageable, but the coffin was already extremely heavy. Bad footing only made it easier to fall. And dropping a coffin was a deeply ill-omened thing.

Watching the endless curtain of rain, every member of the Xie Family had their heart in their throat.

The appointed hour could not be missed. With a shouted call of, “One, two, three, lift!” the coffin, bound with many ropes and supports, was hoisted up. More than twenty men carried it and charged into the rain, while another group of strong young men followed close behind, ready to switch shoulders at any moment.

Zhou He was still in a daze when her older cousin Meng Qiu grabbed her and pulled her outside.

“Come on, keep up.”

With her other hand, she was also pulling Xie Lingge.

The men carrying the coffin were moving fast. Even with no burden on her, Zhou He had to run until it felt like her heart was about to leap out of her chest, and a metallic sweetness rose in her throat.

The rain was so heavy she could barely keep her eyes open, and the road was slippery. She fell again and again as she ran. Xie Lingge beside her was not much better off. One look at her was enough for Zhou He to know what she herself must look like, utterly bedraggled.

When Xie Lingge fell yet again, Zhou He braced her under the arms and struggled to pull her back up. Xie Lingge glanced at her and forced herself to help, straining with difficulty.

All along the way, the two sisters-in-law supported each other, doing their best to keep up with the procession ahead without falling behind, and without getting stuck in the road and blocking the people behind them.

If even walking was this difficult for them, one could only imagine how hard it was for the coffin bearers.

The downpour showed no sign of stopping. All kinds of brightly colored paper offerings⁵ were soaked through, leaving patches of red here and green there all over the road.

The funeral wreaths were even worse, pounded by the raindrops until they were completely misshapen.

The whole procession stopped when it was almost at the destination. That stretch of the path was especially steep, and in weather like this there was no way to climb it while carrying such a heavy load. So some of the men went up first with a complicated setup of ropes, planning to drag and lift at the same time to haul the coffin up.

Many people shouted work chants and strained together, yet the coffin did not budge in the slightest. More people crowded in to help. Xie Qingjia and Xie Chonghu went too.

Their footing gave way, they fell, then got back up and kept straining to lift, escorting Grandma on the final leg of her journey. Before long, both of them looked like figures molded out of mud.

Through the veil of rain, Zhou He saw Xie Qingjia’s face flushed red, the veins standing out on his arms and neck.

The scene felt strangely familiar.

Then she remembered. Back when her mother passed away, Xie Qingjia had also helped carry the coffin up the mountain.

At the time, he had only been half grown, still little more than a boy, yet he had strained alongside the adults all the same, sending her mother to her final resting place. When they came back down the mountain that time, his shoulders had been bruised red, and the pain had made him suck in sharp breaths.

But so much time had passed that she had swept all those memories into some forgotten corner of her mind and left them there for a very, very long time.

Translator’s Notes