Chapter 18 Gratitude of an Ungrateful Female Lead 18: I Am Only Your Great King

Zhou He and Xie Qingjia’s wedding still followed the local traditional marriage customs, with them putting together their own Flowing Banquet.

Mother Xie had also asked whether they wanted to book a hotel and hold a Western-style wedding like some of the other young people in town.

After discussing it, they decided against it.

The main reason was that Zhou He vetoed it. In her heart, their true engagement ceremony had already been sealed that time at the dinner table, when Xie Qingjia had clumsily proposed to her. This wedding now was really just for the sake of family ties and social obligations, so the form it took did not matter much.

If they saved the money from booking a hotel and hiring an emcee, she could pay off a few more months of the mortgage.

Buy a dragon-and-phoenix wedding dress¹ online, bow to Heaven and Earth² with Xie Qingjia beneath the candlelit household shrine in the main hall while the guests looked on, and that was enough to make them a properly married couple in the eyes of the neighbors.

As for the style of wedding dress Zhou He bought for herself, oh, correction, she picked it, but Xie Qingjia placed the order.

She had already submitted the order herself, but for some reason, he insisted that she cancel it so he could place it again. She had no idea what weird issue he had.

The style she chose was fairly loose, enough to somewhat conceal her belly, which was already swollen to the size of half a watermelon. It was not that she was deliberately trying to hide anything, it was just so the photos would look better.

That’s right! To her, the biggest purpose of this wedding was to create a nice backdrop for pictures!

After they finished bowing beneath the shrine, the singer called out, “The newlyweds rise, blessings rise, fortune rises, luck arrives!”

Xie Qingjia stood up first and held Zhou He’s arm so she could use him for support as she got to her feet.

Little Potato had been very well-behaved all along and had not given her much trouble. But now that it had grown into Little Watermelon, it was still causing some inconvenience in her movements and daily life. Still, it was not a big problem. Didn’t it have a father?

Xie Qingjia asked her, “Can you still manage?”

It was so noisy around them that she was probably the only one who could hear him.

She answered him with a little hand gesture that meant, no big deal.

Xie Qingjia laughed as soon as he saw that gesture. Who knew what had hit his funny bone.

Getting married really was physical labor, in the most literal sense.

After bowing to Heaven and Earth, the next part was for some of the closer relatives to “hang red³” on the newlyweds. Usually, this meant tying a strip of red silk five or six feet long onto them. Originally, it was meant as a form of blessing for the couple, but later, as people’s lives became more prosperous, this part turned much more worldly.

Their relatives would pin cash onto the red silk with safety pins, pin on gold and silver jewelry, and attach other valuable gifts wrapped in little red pouches…

Before long, Zhou He looked like a Christmas tree. Of course, Xie Qingjia had even more hanging off him.

When wealth comes pouring in, it really is not beautiful at all. It utterly ruins your looks. Who knew how many ugly photos had been taken of her.

Once the whole process was over, her younger sister-in-law Xie Lingge helped remove all those “Christmas tree decorations,” and Zhou He immediately felt much lighter. She did not even have time to count how much gift money and how many presents they had received before she ran off. Seriously, she was traumatized.

Before she reached the bridal room, she saw a child crouched in the corner by the stone steps in the yard, crying. He had probably fallen, and that spot was in a blind corner where no one had likely noticed.

Zhou He went over and picked him up. The child was all dusty from the fall. Aside from being a little dirty, she checked him over and found that he seemed fine.

“There, there, don’t cry. Where does it hurt?”

The child cried so hard that tears rolled down like beans. “Waaah… my eyes hurt… waaah…”

His eyes hurt? Wasn’t that just because he was crying?

Zhou He said, “Don’t cry, don’t cry. If you stop crying, your eyes won’t hurt anymore. Does anywhere else hurt?”

The child was actually quite obedient. He wiped his nose, stopped bawling, and said through sniffles, “My… my heart hurts.”

???

What kind of answer was that?

The child thoughtfully added, “Baby falls, Mommy’s heart hurts.”

“…”

Looks like he really was fine. He even knew that when he fell, his mom’s heart would ache for him.

Zhou He held him, and now that he was higher up, his mother probably spotted him and came over. She took the child back into her arms and scolded him, “Look, you’ve dirtied the bride’s pretty clothes.”

“It’s fine, it’s just a little dust.” Zhou He brushed at herself, and it came right off.

But the child had a different opinion. With tears still clinging to his lashes, he argued with his mother, “Not the bride. Great King.”

“Oh? You have a pretty good memory. You still remember that I’m the Great King.”

It seemed this child was one of the ones who had gone mountain patrol with her when Grandma passed away. There had been so many children then that she could no longer match every face to a name, yet this little one still remembered her.

Young brains really were better for this sort of thing.

Zhou He teased him, “I’m the Great King, but I’m also a bride. The Great King is getting married today, so you have to be good, okay? Don’t go running around again. If you fall, Mommy’s heart will hurt. Be good, all right?”

“Okay.” The answer came especially crisply.

“Then let’s pinky swear.” Zhou He held out her little finger. “Come on, say it with me. The Great King is getting married today, so what should Baby do?”

In a childish little voice, the boy said, “The Great King is getting married, so Baby should eat at the banquet.”

“Pfft…” Someone nearby could not help laughing.

Zhou He: “…”

Well, all right. He was not wrong.

“Fine, fine. Then you have to be good and not run around. Wait for the banquet.”

“Okay.”

The child’s mother laughed too. “When your grandma passed, having you play with the children really saved us a lot of worry. Today you’re busy, and just this morning alone, there’ve already been several incidents. If they aren’t falling down, they’re fighting.”

Someone nearby chimed in, “Exactly. Once there are too many people around, the kids get all worked up. No one can keep them in line.”

Just as the words fell, a whole pack of children came rushing past in a noisy blur, apparently chasing a dog.

Mixed in with them were the parents’ shouts of reprimand.

It was vivid enough to paint the whole picture.

Zhou He did have a bit of experience handling children. Just giving orders was not enough to control them, especially when they had a whole gang running wild together.

Someone said regretfully, “Too bad you don’t have time to watch them today.”

Zhou He thought about it, then said, “It’s not impossible.”

“You’re the one getting married. How are you going to watch them?”

Zhou He really did have an idea. She said to the little one who kept thinking about the banquet, “Do you want to go on mountain patrol with the Great King?”

“Yes!” He had already stretched out his arms, asking to be carried.

“The Great King can’t carry you all the time today, okay? Can you walk by yourself?” There was still a Little Watermelon in her belly, after all.

The child wriggled his way down to the ground and took her hand. “I’m going on mountain patrol with the Great King.” He had already started chanting it to himself.

The child’s mother looked especially apologetic. “I’ll take him away. Don’t let him trouble you.”

Zhou He said, “It’s fine. You’re busier than I am. I’ll take him and keep him in the bridal room for a bit.”

The woman still had an apron tied around her waist, so she was definitely helping in the kitchen with the Flowing Banquet.

“If he makes a fuss, just have someone bring him to me.”

“All right, no problem. But little kids are very well-behaved, right? We won’t cry.” The second half, Zhou He said to the child.

The child said, “Won’t cry. Be a good little monster for the Great King.”

“…”

Well, all right. The monsters on the mountain had probably never imagined that one day their KPI would evolve into not crying.

Holding the obedient child by the hand, Zhou He went to find her former Second Great King, that chubby little boy who had once trained his iron head technique.

That chubby little boy was especially well-behaved. Two days ago, right after she came back, he had already come to see her. This morning, he had even come with his mother to ask whether there was anything he could help with.

Not wanting to waste his goodwill, Zhou He gave him the job of handing out wedding candy. At the moment, he was carrying a bag of sweets and scanning the crowd for anyone not holding any. If someone did not have any, he would grab two pieces for them. If they finished eating, he would give them more. He was taking the job very seriously.

Earlier, Zhou He had asked him why he only gave out two pieces at a time. If he grabbed a few more at once, he could rest a little.

But the chubby little boy had his own reasoning. “Some people don’t like candy. If I give them too much, they’ll leave it there and not eat it. That would be a waste.”

“Then just give one.”

Little Chubby said, “Mom said when people get married, gifts should come in pairs.”

His ability to carry out orders was really something.

At that moment, Zhou He went to find him and told him to gather all the children into the bridal chamber.

Little Chubby scampered off at once. Before long, he had rounded up more than twenty little hellions again. Of course, they were all still young. The older kids would never play such a chuunibyou⁴ game with Zhou He. Besides, the older ones didn’t need her to watch over them separately.

A huge crowd of children packed into the bridal chamber.

Zhou He clicked her tongue to herself, unsure whether this was because of the appeal of her status as the Mountain King, or because of Little Chubby’s amazing execution.

Whatever. Since they were willing to play with her, she might as well take them all along.

She assigned jobs to the group of children.

Some were sent to hand out wedding candies. Little Chubby already knew that job like the back of his hand, so he could teach the others directly.

Some were sent to guard the doors. Big doors, small doors, anyway, every doorway in the Xie Family residence, inside and out, got two child doormen. They were to help open and close doors and greet and see off guests. She taught them some auspicious phrases and had them take turns saying them whenever someone came in or out.

These were all “grown-up jobs,” and pretending to be adults was incredibly appealing to little troublemakers. Every last one of them was eager to try.

The rest, the shy ones or those who didn’t have a task yet, stayed with Zhou He in the bridal chamber to play teacher-and-student, and could even do their homework.

There weren’t that many tables and stools in the bridal chamber.

The children weren’t picky. One by one, they simply sprawled on the floor to write.

But there wasn’t quite enough open space on the floor either, so Zhou He called some of the children over and had them lie on the wedding bed instead.

At this point, the little hellions were unexpectedly sensible. They thought they were too grubby and were afraid of dirtying the bedding.

Zhou He didn’t care about that. After her persistent urging, a few children took off their dirty outer pants and climbed up.

Then the scene became a little hilarious.

Children were sprawled everywhere in the room.

The little troublemakers even mocked each other. The ones on the bed laughed that the ones on the floor looked like frogs, while the ones on the floor laughed that the ones on the bed weren’t wearing pants. For a while, it was lively beyond belief.

When some of the children’s parents came to look for them and saw the scene, they immediately tried to call the children down from the bed.

“It’s a brand-new wedding bed. How can you let the children roughhouse on it?”

Zhou He said, “Other people’s wedding beds have to specially invite children to roll around on them⁵ anyway. Here we’ve already got ready-made ones.”

Up front, the banquet was about to begin, and Xie Qingjia came to call Zhou He out for the toasts. The roomful of children startled him so much that he actually took a step back.

“Why are there so many little brats…”

Before he could finish speaking, one quick-witted child had already run up to ask him for a red envelope. The other children quickly followed suit, and in an instant Xie Qingjia was surrounded.

And they weren’t asking for nothing. They were saying auspicious phrases too.

“Congratulations, congratulations, hand over the red envelopes~”

“Happy wedding, let the red envelopes drop~”

“May you soon have a precious child, red envelopes over here~”

…

Xie Qingjia said, “Oh? You’re all so good at saying auspicious things. Who taught you that?”

The children covered their mouths and said nothing.

But there were always a few innocent little ones who didn’t get it. “Brother Chonghu…” one of them blurted out, only to have a child beside him clap a hand over his mouth.

Xie Qingjia: “…”

He knew it!

Smiling, he asked the little innocent one who had just let it slip, “Why aren’t you saying anything auspicious? Don’t you want a red envelope?”

The child was young and probably hadn’t remembered what Xie Chonghu taught him. After holding it in for a long time, he finally squeezed out, “Study hard and make progress every day.”

Where there is a crouching dragon, there is a fledgling phoenix⁶. Beside the little innocent one was an even younger little darling who immediately piped up, “May your fortune be as vast as the Eastern Sea, and your longevity as enduring as the Southern Mountains.”

Zhou He was so amused she could barely stand it.

She was carrying Little Watermelon now, and looking at children made her find every one of them adorable.

Xie Qingjia couldn’t help laughing either. He crouched down to tease the children. “Why don’t you ask the bride for red envelopes too?”

The children shook their heads and rushed to answer.

“We’re not asking the bride.”

“The bride is the Great King.”

“The Great King is one of us.”

“We ask the groom for money.”

“So you’re all this protective of your Great King?” Xie Qingjia put on a very troubled look. “But all my money is with your Great King. I’m only her bandit groom⁷.”

Translator’s Notes