Chapter 94 The Republican-Era Young Lady Stops Making a Fuss: 5 Such a He Dusheng, Song

Song Xuange said, “I’m going to look around the nearby streets. When you get off work, we can go back together.”

He Dusheng was a little annoyed. She had only just had an abortion, she should be resting and recuperating, so how could she be wandering around outside and exposing herself to the wind? He was upset that she didn’t know how to take care of herself, yet it was hard for him to say so outright.

He only said, “There seem to be a lot of people outside catching colds. You’d better not go anywhere crowded. Just rest here. If there’s anything you want, I’ll have someone from the trading company bring it over for you to choose from.”

Thinking that there was still one in her belly now, and hearing that so many people were sick, Song Xuange didn’t dare go out onto the streets after all.

She went and sat on the sofa she had slept on yesterday.

“There isn’t anything in particular I want to buy. I can just read here for a while. What books do you have here? Let me take a look.”

“All right.”

He Dusheng went to the bookshelf to find something for her.

Seeing how serious he looked, as if he were handling some matter of national importance, Song Xuange’s heart stirred.

She wrapped her arms around him from behind.

The book in He Dusheng’s hand fell to the floor.

He was a head taller than Song Xuange. With her cheek pressed against his back, she could clearly feel the instant his muscles tensed.

Only after a long moment did He Dusheng place his hand over the slender hands around his waist.

“Xuange?”

Song Xuange realized that even his scent was something she craved. After breathing it in deeply several times, she called softly, “He Dusheng.”

“I’m here.”

“I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry for treating you so badly before.

I’m sorry for letting down your sincere heart.

I’m sorry for first aborting your child, then getting you killed because of me.

He Dusheng let out a sigh.

He caught her hands, loosened their hold around his waist, then turned and pulled her into his arms.

“You’re my wife. You don’t need to say these things to me.”

“My father-in-law showed me kindness as great as giving me a second life, and on top of that, he thought highly enough of me to entrust me with his family business and his treasured daughter. Without him, someone like me, scraping by on the streets, might have starved to death one day or been beaten to death by a mob. I could never repay a kindness like that in my lifetime.”

This man never said he loved her. But everything he did was an act of love.

Held in his embrace, Song Xuange felt especially safe.

Buried against his shoulder, she muttered, “So you’re good to me only because my father was kind to you?”

“My father-in-law truly was as kind to me as a mountain,” he said, not answering her directly. Even those words came out stiffly.

“Then if my father had another daughter, and the one he had you marry was her, would you treat her the way you treat me? Say Pingzhang were a girl, and the one you were supposed to marry was Pingzhang.”

Resting against his shoulder, Song Xuange watched the muscles twitch in his profile and the strange expression on his face.

She pressed, “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

He Dusheng sighed.

“Then I would give her respect.”

But beyond that, he refused to say another word.

Yet Song Xuange understood what he had left unsaid, and she stopped pressing him.

Placing a hand over her still-flat stomach, Song Xuange rubbed the tears dry on his shoulder and broke into a smile. “I’m preg…”

He Dusheng suddenly let go of her and barked sharply, “Who’s outside?”

A-Xiang’s voice came from beyond the door.

“Sir, the tea is ready. I’ve come to bring it in.”

He Dusheng helped Song Xuange sit down before saying, “Bring it in.”

With lowered brows and an obedient expression, A-Xiang set a bowl of red date honey tea by Song Xuange’s hand.

After A-Xiang withdrew, He Dusheng fanned the red date tea until it was cool enough to drink, then handed it to her again. “It’s not hot anymore.”

After that, Song Xuange tried twice more to tell He Dusheng about the pregnancy, but either he was busy with something, or the topic got diverted.

That kept making it hard for her to bring it up.

It made her suspect that He Dusheng was doing it on purpose.

Just when she was about to corner him and make things clear, He Dusheng spoke first. “Something’s come up in business. I need to make a trip to Suzhou.”

“Why do you suddenly have to go to Suzhou?”

He Dusheng patted her hand. Over the last two days, he had grown quite used to making gestures like that.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing major. I’ll be back in a few days. I wouldn’t even need to go in person, but I thought I’d bring Pingzhang back while I was there. He wants to keep playing, and how could the servants possibly persuade him? In the end, I’ll have to make the trip myself.”

He also reminded her, “Things have been pretty chaotic in the streets lately. Quite a few workers are making noise about going on strike. Don’t go out by yourself. If you want to go somewhere, wait until I get back and I’ll go with you.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

For no reason she could name, Song Xuange became anxious. Her good appetite over the past several days vanished as well.

She didn’t want He Dusheng going somewhere so far away from her.

She couldn’t stop images from appearing in her mind, one after another, of him being harmed in all sorts of ways and dying.

She didn’t even eat dinner.

She told Nanny Wen she had a headache and went back to her room to sleep.

But her sleep was restless too.

Nightmare after nightmare came.

“Xuange, Xuange…”

The moment Song Xuange opened her eyes, she saw He Dusheng calling her name.

Smoothing back the sleep-tousled hair by her cheek, He Dusheng said with concern, “Did you have a nightmare?”

Song Xuange’s nose stung. She threw her arms around He Dusheng, pulling him forward so abruptly that he nearly toppled onto her.

The position was awkward, so He Dusheng reached out and helped her sit up. Even then, she still clung to his neck.

He Dusheng held her and said, “Tell me, what did you dream about?”

Song Xuange couldn’t remember. She only said, “I’m going to Suzhou with you.”

He Dusheng frowned. “Why bring this up all of a sudden? Nanny Wen said you didn’t eat tonight. I brought some chicken soup up. Do you want a little?”

Song Xuange didn’t want to talk about what had happened in her previous life.

So she said, “If you’re not here, I’m scared.”

That was the truth.

Words of such plain and open dependence left even He Dusheng unsure how to respond.

Song Xuange grabbed his arm. “He Dusheng, I’m pregnant.”

She saw his body pause slightly, and said in a low voice, “That night… I’ve been trying to tell you these past few days…”

“Mhm, I know.”

He Dusheng tightened his grip on the spoon in his hand.

Why, why did she have to say it out loud?

Why did she have to be so cruel and make him understand that the closeness she’d shown him these past few days was only out of guilt, as compensation? Couldn’t she have just kept coaxing him a little longer?

“You knew? How did you know?”

And his reaction was wrong too.

Forget being happy, he wasn’t even calm. His whole body seemed shrouded in a grief so heavy it felt almost tangible.

“…You’re not happy?”

He Dusheng lifted his head and fed her chicken soup, forcing a smile. “It’s not that I’m unhappy.”

Song Xuange drank a sip of the broth, which carried the scent of medicinal herbs, from his hand, then took the bowl herself.

He Dusheng tugged at the corners of his mouth and squeezed out a faint smile. “You still have school. Being pregnant and having a baby really isn’t convenient. It’s better to get rid of it.”

No matter what, Song Xuange couldn’t believe those words had come from He Dusheng’s mouth. With difficulty, she said, “You… want me to abort it?”

“Yes, I agree,” He Dusheng said quickly.

Song Xuange had no idea how things had turned out like this.

“I’m not aborting it!” she shouted. “Pingzhang is the only blood relative I have left, and you don’t have any family left in this world either. Wouldn’t it be good to have one more family member?”

“Whether you agree or not, I’m keeping this baby. Go away. I don’t want to see you right now.”

Song Xuange had said things like I don’t want to see you to He Dusheng many times before, and every time, he had done as she said.

But this time, he stood there without moving.

Only then did he realize something was off.

Absurd as it seemed, a sudden flicker of hope rose in his heart.

He asked cautiously, “Xuange, I don’t understand. Tell me, it’s still in your belly right now, isn’t it?”

Already angry, Song Xuange spoke sharply. “What kind of question is that? If it’s not in my belly, would it be in yours? Can you give birth?”

With that confirmation, immense joy flooded He Dusheng.

He knew then that A-Xiang’s investigation must have gotten something wrong.

He was so overwhelmed he could barely speak coherently.

“You’re pregnant, carrying our child, and you’re willing to give birth to it, right, Xuange?”

Song Xuange didn’t want to bother with him.

She picked up the bowl and started drinking the soup.

She might not be hungry, but the baby was.

But the bowl in her hands was taken away by He Dusheng.

“No, you can’t drink this. There’s danggui¹ in the soup.”

Then he muttered to himself, “You’re carrying a child. How can you skip dinner? Xuange, what do you want to eat? I’ll make it for you.”

Seeing him like this, Song Xuange said irritably, “Weren’t you the one who didn’t want it?”

He Dusheng held her hand and explained anxiously, “My fault. I said it badly. I thought you didn’t want it, so that’s why I said that. I’m sorry, Xuange. You’re willing to keep it, you have no idea how happy I am.”

“Really?”

“Isn’t that obvious enough?”

It was pretty obvious. The corners of his mouth were practically splitting to his ears now, completely different from how he had looked before.

Song Xuange lifted the thin blanket to reveal her belly and asked him, “Do you want to touch him?”

“I-is that okay?”

“Are you silly? You’re his father.”

He Dusheng also felt that he looked incredibly foolish.

He carefully brought his palm close to Song Xuange’s stomach, only daring to hover it lightly over it.

Song Xuange covered his hand with hers and pressed his palm down firmly.

She said with a laugh, “Actually, you can’t feel anything yet. It’s still tiny.”

“I can feel it,” He Dusheng said very seriously, with complete solemnity.

Then he suddenly sprang up. “I’ll go make you dinner. The baby’s probably hungry.”

Holding the half bowl of soup that was left, he hurried outside.

Who knew how he was walking, but his foot actually slammed into the cabinet by the door. With a bang, he cried out in pain, and the soup spilled all over the floor.

He Dusheng gave his foot a quick shake, then shouted downstairs, “Ruixin, I spilled the soup. Come clean it up.”

Then he smiled at Song Xuange and soothed her, “Get a little more sleep. I’ll be back soon.”

Before long, everyone in the house knew the mistress was pregnant.

He Dusheng even wanted to hand out celebratory money to everyone, but Nanny Wen stopped him. “It’s still early. If you make too much fuss, I’m afraid you’ll startle the child².”

“Fine, then we’ll put it on record. Once the baby’s born, everyone gets an extra year’s salary.”

The whole night, He Dusheng remained in a state of abnormal excitement.

When they slept, he did something completely unprecedented and gathered her against his chest. His hand stayed over her stomach the entire time, as if ready at any moment to protect that tiny embryo inside her, perhaps no bigger than a peanut sprout.

At first, Song Xuange stayed excited with him, but later she really couldn’t hold out any longer and fell asleep.

When she woke up, his eyes were still open.

Blinking, she asked, “Did you never sleep, or are you already awake?”

Red veins had appeared at the corners of He Dusheng’s eyes again.

Caressing her face, he said, “I didn’t dare sleep. I was afraid this was a dream, and the moment I closed my eyes, it would vanish into nothing.”

Seeing him like this made Song Xuange’s heart ache.

She propped herself up halfway and kissed the tip of his nose.

He Dusheng froze for a moment, then raised a hand to touch it, staring at her in a daze.

Song Xuange knew this was because she had treated him coldly for so long that he no longer felt secure.

Whatever she said now would probably be useless. Only time could prove what was in her heart.

“Weren’t you saying you were going to Suzhou? Are you going in that exhausted state?”

He Dusheng stayed dazed for a long while, as if his mind still hadn’t returned.

Suzhou? What Suzhou?

His wife was pregnant, so why would he go to Suzhou?

This trip had been nothing more than an excuse to avoid her in the first place.

“I’m not going.”

He Dusheng said it firmly.

“I’ll stay home with you. We’ve raised so many people in this house, they ought to be useful for something.”

Translator’s Notes