Chapter 2 Gratitude of an Ungrateful Female Lead 2: The Duty of Being the Eldest Grandson’s Wife

“Three feet above your head, the gods are watching¹.”

Those words hit Zhou He like a blow to the head and jolted her awake.

She collapsed in front of her computer desk.

In that moment, it felt as if she had lived through years, countless fleeting scenes flashing past her eyes. And yet it also felt like a blank void.

Her mind had been flooded with all sorts of chaotic information, as if an immortal had laid a hand on her crown, allowing her to see her own future, to see the second half of her life.

Her own… retribution, exactly as it had appeared on the screen.

When Zhou He made that post, she had only glossed over the truth and written that she was breaking up because she “didn’t like him anymore.”

The more direct reason she hadn’t mentioned was that she had fallen for one of her male classmates.

They had the same advisor, spent a lot of time together, and feelings had gradually grown over time. Their advisor had even been trying to bring them together. Lately, things between them had become a little ambiguous. All that was left was for one of them to say it first and confess.

She was ungrateful, but she didn’t want to string two men along at once, so she had decided to break up with her boyfriend, Xie Qingjia.

In that instant just now, she had seen what would happen after breaking up with Xie Qingjia.

Meeting Xie Qingjia seemed to have used up all the luck in her life. After leaving him, her life went sharply downhill. Although she did end up dating that male classmate, it still came to nothing. After that, nothing went right for her. She suffered the retribution she deserved.

The beatings of society finally made her realize what kind of person her younger self had missed. She regretted it. She had regretted it long ago. But she didn’t dare turn back and look for Xie Qingjia again.

For the rest of her life, she lived in regret and longing for Xie Qingjia.

Her dying moments overlapped with that instant. The gods had sent her back to the crossroads where the choice had been made. This time, she absolutely would not choose wrong!

Zhou He quickly sat up straight. The curses on the screen kept flashing by. By now, the thread had already reached more than three thousand comments.

Comment 3091: I admire your ambition and your ability to act on it, but you should never have hurt someone’s sincere feelings. Anyone who betrays true devotion deserves to swallow burning coals whole!

Comment 3134: As a woman, I sympathize with the OP’s childhood experiences. But I can’t agree with her choice to break up. She’s someone who has already been drenched by the rain herself, so why, after escaping the fire pit, is the person she’s turning her blade on the very benefactor who pulled her out of the flames?

Comment 3200: Heh. The first thing you do after making it ashore is cut down the one you loved. If you hadn’t made this post right when you’re about to graduate and support yourself, I might’ve been able to come up with a few excuses for you. But now? ￥…(%@￥%&…￥ I can’t curse you hard enough!

Comment 3257: Rational discussion only, don’t flame me~ I’m a psychology student. Based on my limited theoretical knowledge, the marks left by one’s original family in childhood are very hard to escape. Based on the OP’s experiences, what she learned from intimate relationships in her original family was this: other people’s control over her, blame toward her, neglect of her, and her own tendency to please others.

So when she meets a partner who truly treats her well, she becomes incapable of cherishing him properly. Just as the OP described, when faced with the kindness and thoughtfulness of her boyfriend and his family, her instinct is to resist and come up with all kinds of excuses to avoid prolonged contact.

Their breakup was inevitable.

The misfortune on the OP’s romantic path is also inevitable.

If she doesn’t make a fundamental change, then most likely the only kind of partner she’ll be able to stay with long-term will be a terrible one who resembles her original family.

This isn’t a curse. It’s just human nature.

It could be analyzed like that too?

If she didn’t change her choice, then was her ending doomed from the start?

She stopped reading the specific replies. She didn’t need to hear them say it. She already knew just how terribly wrong she had been.

She moved the mouse, deleted the post, and deactivated the account in one smooth motion.

Then she took out her phone and booked a ticket home.

Xie Qingjia’s grandmother had passed away last night.

When he called Zhou He, he had hoped she would go back with him. Xie Qingjia had been very close to his grandmother. Now that the old woman was gone, he wanted her, as his future wife, to see the old woman off on her final journey.

At the time, Zhou He had not agreed. At least, not to going back today.

Funerals in the town still followed rural customs. The deceased had to lie in state for at least seven days before the formal memorial service and burial. Oh, and over there it wasn’t called a memorial service. It was called Zuoye², which meant that family and friends gathered together to keep vigil for the deceased and spend one last time in their company.

Before Zuoye, the usual process was simply procedural mourning rites, with crying, paying respects, and offering worship.

Weddings and funerals were the most complicated kind of social obligation.

Zhou He had already been thinking about breaking up, so how could she possibly have wanted to attend the Xie Family’s funeral? She had been thinking that at most she would just show up on the day of Zuoye so no one could criticize her.

The excuse she gave was that she was following her advisor on a very important project, one that directly affected her graduation evaluation, and she couldn’t leave. She said she would go back a few days later.

Even though Xie Qingjia was disappointed, he didn’t force her.

Thinking about it now, what the hell had she been doing?

The project did exist, and it really was important, but it wasn’t so important that it couldn’t run without Zhou He. She only messaged her advisor to ask for leave after getting on the train. Birth, aging, illness, and death were the unavoidable truths of life. Her advisor was human too, and didn’t rigidly demand a specific return date from her.

The train could only take her as far as the county seat. From there, it was still another half hour by car back to town.

Zhou He didn’t go straight to the station.

Instead, she contacted a small cargo truck and headed straight for the county’s agricultural wholesale market.

According to local custom, even if it wasn’t the main funeral day, a Flowing Banquet would still be held during the days the body lay in state.

Funerals placed importance on bustle and activity. First, it showed how well-liked the deceased and their family were. Second, it helped distract the bereaved so they would not be crushed by excessive grief.

So during the days of lying in state³, nearby families would drop by whenever they had time to sit for a while, pay respects, and mourn, adding to the crowd. In turn, the hosting family had to provide meals for all of them.

Three meals a day, with as few as three to five tables per meal, and as many as ten or more.

The consumption of ingredients was enormous. If it happened in winter, it also burned through coal, charcoal, and hot water.

Of course, people who came to mourn would usually bring some ingredients with them too, whatever they had at home. Radishes, cabbages, chickens, ducks, fish, meat, none of it mattered.

But the hosts couldn’t rely entirely on what the guests brought. Most of it still had to be prepared by the family themselves.

The old woman had only passed last night. The family probably hadn’t even had time to prepare all this yet.

So Zhou He was like a mouse that had fallen into a rice jar, grabbing everything she could.

Chinese cabbage, onions, potatoes, carrots, vegetables that kept well; half a side of pork; dried chicken, cured duck, salted fish, all kinds of preserved meat; oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar, all kinds of seasonings; rice, flour, vermicelli, dried noodles, all kinds of staples; cigarettes, alcohol, tea leaves, melon seeds, peanuts, candy, things used to entertain guests; tissues, chopsticks, and other necessities; and just in case cooking and tending the fire for large crowds led to accidents, she also bought burn ointment, bandages, gauze, cotton swabs, and alcohol…

As long as she could think of it and it might be useful, she bought it. Box after box, sack after sack, she placed the orders, and the vendors delivered everything straight to the truck. The small cargo truck ended up more than half full.

A young girl, impressed by how lavishly she was buying, had followed her around the whole time. Seeing that Zhou He was about to leave, she finally couldn’t help coming over to ask, “Pretty big sis, does your family run a store?”

“No. I need it for something.”

“You’re stocking up like this… don’t tell me the apocalypse is coming? Big sis, just tell me the truth. I can handle it,” the girl asked, trembling.

Zhou He: “…”

Zhou He: “Kids should read less random nonsense and spend more time studying your textbooks and finishing your homework.”

“Ah… I still have to do homework? Then I guess the apocalypse isn’t coming after all.”

From her tone, it was hard to tell whether she was relieved or disappointed.

Zhou He shook her head.

What on earth were kids these days thinking about?

Then she thought of herself. She didn’t seem to have any right to judge others. Looking back now, she didn’t know what she herself had been thinking before, either.

Zhou He rode back to town with the truck, and from far away she could already hear the mournful funeral music.

Grandmother Xie normally lived with Uncle Xie, so the funeral was being held at Uncle Xie’s house as well.

Zhou He directed the truck straight to Uncle Xie’s house.

The Xie Family had always been honest, kind, and loyal, with an excellent reputation in town. It was almost impossible to find anything bad to say about them.

This time, with their family holding a funeral, there were a great many people who came to help and to pay their respects.

From a distance, white funeral banners could be seen hanging high from bamboo poles in front of Uncle Xie’s house. The open space and the road were packed with a sea of people, dark and dense, with scattered patches of white mourning clothes mixed among them.

As the car drew closer, Zhou He spotted Xie Qingjia in mourning at a single glance through the crowd. Several people stood around him, and he was in the middle of saying something to them.

The moment she saw him, Zhou He could no longer see anyone else.

As if sensing something, Xie Qingjia lifted his head and looked in her direction.

Once the car came to a steady stop, Zhou He got out.

She saw the surprise on his face. After signaling to the people around him, Xie Qingjia started walking toward her.

Some sharp-eyed guests had already noticed her and called toward the house at the top of their lungs, “Meijuan, your Zhou He is back.”

Meijuan was Mother Xie’s name.

Zhou He had wanted to go toward Xie Qingjia, but a whole group of people had already come out from the house after hearing the shout.

She caught hold of Uncle Xie, who was walking in front, and quickly explained, “Uncle, I brought some things back, all things that can be used over the next few days. They’re on the truck outside. I’ll have to trouble you to get some people to help unload them. The truck charges by the hour, and the longer it stays here, the more expensive the driver will charge.”

Uncle Xie said, “Alright, I know. You go see Grandma first.”

The people nearby had already gone to the truck to help before Uncle Xie had even finished speaking.

By then, Zhou He had already reached the side of the main hall, where Grandmother Xie’s coffin was placed. With so many eyes on her, she couldn’t spare a moment to greet Xie Qingjia first.

Pulling her gaze away from him, Zhou He lifted her foot and stepped into the hall.

Calling out “Grandma,” she dropped to her knees in front of the coffin.

It was the custom. When a younger family member returned from afar during a funeral, they had to kneel before the spirit and weep in mourning first.

During the journey there, there had been moments when she worried she wouldn’t be able to cry and would give people something to gossip about.

But in truth, before she had even fully knelt down, the moment she saw that dark coffin lying there cold and still, Zhou He’s tears were already unstoppable.

She remembered the old woman’s loving smile. She remembered how, every New Year, she would still give her a red envelope⁴, even though Zhou He was already an adult. It was a kind of care she had never even received from her own biological grandparents.

And now this loving old woman had already passed from the world, without ever having the chance to enjoy even a moment of filial devotion from her unfilial granddaughter-in-law.

Tears burst out in a flood. At first Zhou He sobbed under her breath, then she broke into loud, heart-wrenching cries.

She cried because she had not come to her senses sooner and fulfilled her duty before the old woman while she was alive.

She cried for the absurd, laughable years she had wasted.

She cried for her ingratitude, and for the retribution she had suffered.

She cried for her regret and longing for Xie Qingjia.

Grievance, pain, fear, confusion, guilt…

Every emotion poured out with her tears.

She cried as if her heart and soul were being torn apart.

Not long after Zhou He knelt and began crying, some of the more distant female relatives, sisters-in-law and aunties, came over to help her up.

That too was an established part of the ritual.

In a way, a funeral was not necessarily only mourning for the dead. More importantly, it was a farewell for the living.

Zhou He had cried until her legs were weak and limp, and she couldn’t use any strength of her own. The two sisters-in-law and aunties who tried to pull her up struggled with all their might, but still couldn’t lift her from where she had collapsed bonelessly on the ground.

She heard someone say, “Meijuan, your daughter-in-law is truly filial.”

Mother Xie came over personally to help her up.

“Child, get up now. Grandma knows what’s in your heart.”

After tugging at her twice without managing to pull Zhou He up, she ended up crying again herself instead.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law clung to each other, crying in a heap.

The people around them all reached in to help, but not a single one succeeded.

After a while, the people trying to pull them up changed.

A strong forearm wrapped around Zhou He’s waist and lifted her up.

Translator’s Notes