Chapter 19: Smells Stinky, Tastes Great!

This time he used rapeseed oil, which required high heat.

Su Mu tossed the pre-cut tofu cubes into the brine.

The pale white tofu instantly turned pitch-black the moment it went in. He scooped the pieces out, drained them, and without lingering, slid them straight into the boiling oil.

Sizzle!

Hot oil splattered in every direction.

Under the intense heat, that originally pure, foul stench underwent a wondrous transformation.

The stink lingered, but now it was intertwined with a rich, roasted aroma. The tofu cubes quickly puffed up in the oil, tiny bubbles swelling across their surfaces as the black crust crisped up.

Right then, scratching sounds came from outside the door.

“Big bwother… big bwother, save meee…”

The voice was feeble, tinged with a slight whimper.

Su Mu walked over, and as soon as he unlatched the door, two figures squeezed in like refugees fleeing a disaster and immediately slammed the door shut behind them.

Xiao Sizi was completely stripped of her usual lively energy.

She pinched her nose tightly with one hand, squishing her porcelain-carved little face out of shape, while waving the other wildly through the air in an attempt to fan the stench away.

Li Lizhi was not doing much better; with a handkerchief covering her mouth and nose, her brows were knitted tightly enough to crush a fly.

“Big bwother… did… did you poop youw pants?”

Xiao Sizi asked in a muffled voice, her big eyes filled with terror. “It’s so stinky! Did you cook poop?”

Su Mu almost choked on the cooking fumes.

“What kind of talk is that!”

Su Mu prodded the wok with long chopsticks, sending the black cubes tumbling across the surface of the oil. “This is called stinky tofu. It smells bad, but it tastes delicious.”

Li Lizhi took two steps back until her back pressed against the door, her eyes brimming with existential doubt.

“Stinky… stinky tofu?”

She pointed at the wok, her voice trembling. “That stuff has turned black! And this smell… it is clearly rotten! Are… are you out of your mind?”

How could this be food? He was practically brewing poison!

Su Mu paid no mind to their doubts, scooping out the fried stinky tofu to drain the excess oil.

The pitch-black squares, their surfaces uneven and pitted, were still steaming hot. With that bizarre odor swirling around the cramped woodshed, it truly tested the limits of human endurance.

He poked a hole in the center of each piece of tofu.

He spooned on garlic water, drizzled aromatic vinegar, added a spoonful of the secret chili sauce he had freshly simmered over the past few days, and finally sprinkled over a handful of chopped cilantro and diced pickled mustard tuber.

The sauce seeped into the holes with a faint sizzling sound.

“Come on, have a taste.”

Su Mu held out a coarse porcelain plate and offered it to the two of them.

Terrified, Xiao Sizi ducked behind Li Lizhi, shaking her head like a rattle-drum while her two little topknots whipped through the air.

“Won’t eat! Won’t eat even if you beat me to death! Dis is stinky! If I eat it, my mouf will turn stinky!”

Li Lizhi wore a look of utter resistance as well, clamping her mouth shut in fear of inhaling a single breath of toxic fumes.

“You really won’t eat it?”

Su Mu picked up a piece with his chopsticks and deliberately waved it before them. The tofu trembled slightly as sauce dripped from the puncture hole.

“This is top-tier stuff. The outside is so crispy it flakes, while the inside is so tender it melts away. Take one bite and even an immortal wouldn’t be able to stand steady.” After saying this, Su Mu took a bite himself.

Crunch!

A crisp, sharp sound rang out.

It was the sound of the deep-fried, crispy crust shattering.

Immediately after, Su Mu narrowed his eyes and chewed a couple of times with a look of pure bliss.

That expression did not look faked.

Watching Su Mu swallow it without dropping dead on the spot, actually looking like he was relishing it, Li Lizhi felt the defense in her heart give way by a fraction of an inch.

Is it really… edible?

“If you won’t eat it, then forget it.” Su Mu made a move to turn away. “Just as well. I haven’t had lunch yet, and this plate isn’t even enough to fill the gaps between my teeth.”

That was human nature: the more someone told you that you could not have something, the more you felt like you were missing out.

Especially for these two foodies whose palates had already been spoiled by Su Mu, the rule that anything produced by Su Mu was guaranteed to be a masterpiece had never once been broken.

Gulp!

Xiao Sizi swallowed hard.

Even though the smell was still very pungent, big bwother was eating it with such relish.

Poking half her head out from behind her elder sister, she curled a tiny finger. “Den… den can I just take a tiny wittle sniff?”

Su Mu lowered the plate.

Xiao Sizi leaned in and cautiously took a small sniff.

Huh?

Smelling it up close, the stink seemed to have changed.

The aroma of the chili sauce and the pungency of the garlic water, blended with the crispy savor of deep-frying, actually suppressed half the stench, transforming it into an alluring… peculiar fragrance?

“It doesn’t… seem like poop smell?” Xiao Sizi released her pinched nose.

“I don’t lie to kids.”

Su Mu handed her a pair of chopsticks. “Want to try? If it tastes bad, I’ll eat the plate.”

Steeling her resolve, Xiao Sizi picked up the smallest piece with her chopsticks.

Eyes shut, mouth wide open, chomp!

Li Lizhi watched her younger sister anxiously, ready to rush forward and rescue her at any second.

With just one bite, Xiao Sizi froze completely.

There was none of the disgust she had imagined.

The moment her teeth touched the tofu skin, that crispy shell shattered with a delightful crunch.

Immediately after, piping-hot juices burst in her mouth. The tofu inside was ridiculously tender, needing no chewing at all as it slid right down her tongue.

Did it stink? It did.

But when that stink mingled with the savory, fresh, spicy, and invigorating flavors, it drove her taste buds wild. The more she chewed, the more fragrant it became, and the more she wanted to keep chewing!

Xiao Sizi snapped her eyes open, her gaze startlingly bright.

“Wahhh!”

Not caring that it was burning hot, she shoved the remaining half straight into her mouth. With cheeks bulging, her words were once again a muffled lisp.

“So yummy! It’s weally so yummy! Stinky turned into yummy!”

Li Lizhi stared in utter disbelief.

Was it truly that magical?

“Elder Sister! Eat quick! Or big bwother will eat it all up!” Xiao Sizi puffed out hot air as she reached for a second piece.

Li Lizhi could hold out no longer.

She stepped forward, holding her handkerchief with two fingers, and picked up a piece with her chopsticks as elegantly as she could.

Hesitating again and again, she parted her vermilion lips.

The instant it entered her mouth, Li Lizhi’s pupils dilated.

This texture and flavor were simply miraculous! How could such a thing exist in this world? It smelled so bad you wanted to flee, yet tasted so good you wanted to fall to your knees! That mellow, rich savor of fermentation was something no fresh ingredient could ever match.

“How is it?” Su Mu leaned against the stove with a half-smile.

Li Lizhi didn’t even have time to answer. Her handkerchief had long since been tossed who knows where, and her chopsticks moved faster than anyone’s.

“More!”

…

Inside the door, two of the Great Tang’s most noble princesses completely abandoned decorum, fighting over the blackened “poison” on the plate.

Outside, separated only by a wall.

Wang Dequan led seven or eight eunuchs, each covering their face with a damp cloth as they wandered around the backyard.

“It’s right around here! The smell is strongest here!” Wang Dequan’s voice cracked.

He pointed toward the woodshed. “Seems like it’s drifting out of this rundown shack!”

A young eunuch plucked up his courage and leaned in. The moment he took a breath, he immediately gagged and scrambled back. “I can’t, Chief! It’s too foul! C-could an entire nest of dead rats be rotting inside?”

Wang Dequan’s face darkened, not daring to get too close either.

The stench was truly lethal, so pungent it made their heads throb.

“Smash the door open! I want to see what kind of foul filth is hidden inside!”

Several eunuchs were just about to step forward.

Suddenly, a burst of silvery laughter drifted from the woodshed, the unmistakable cheer of a little girl thoroughly relishing a delicious meal.

“Another piece! Dat big one is mine!”

“Don’t snatch. That piece is juicier.”

Wang Dequan froze.

That voice… why did it sound so familiar? And how could anyone be laughing in a place that reeked to high heaven?

“Chief… do we still break it down?” the young eunuch asked hesitantly.

Wang Dequan hesitated.

No one usually came to this backyard, but that laughter sounded eerie.

And that smell… Why was it that, after smelling it for a while, it seemed to make him feel a little… hungry?

Grumble!

Wang Dequan’s stomach let out an untimely growl.

His old face flushed, and he glared at the young eunuch in angry embarrassment. “Break it down for what?! What if we disturb something unclean^[1]… Seal off the whole area first! Don’t let this stench drift to the front and offend His Majesty!”

Inside the door, Su Mu listened to the commotion outside, a mischievous smirk playing on his lips.

“Eat faster.”

He wiped the sauce from the corner of Xiao Sizi’s mouth. “Otherwise, if that lot barges in and thinks we’re eating… well, that, we won’t be able to explain ourselves.”

Xiao Sizi let out a full burp, her breath smelling strongly of garlic. “What’s dat?”

“Can’t say, can’t say.” Su Mu popped a sprig of cilantro into his mouth. “Just catch my drift.”