Chapter 6: The Princess’s CPU Fried

Li Lizhi froze completely.

She, the dignified Princess Changle of the Great Tang and the apple of her Imperial Father’s eye, was actually being offered as collateral by her own little sister for a piece of meat?

“Sizi! What nonsense are you talking about?!”

Her cheeks burning, Li Lizhi flusteredly clamped a hand over the little girl’s mouth. She then turned to glare fiercely at the chore hand holding the plate, attempting to summon her royal dignity to intimidate him. “Insolent rogue! Put… put that plate down this instant!”

Su Mu paid no attention to the bristling noble lady.

He did not even look Li Lizhi in the eye. Instead, he simply glanced down at the little pink bundle clinging to his trouser leg, then cast an indifferent look at Li Lizhi’s slender wrists.

“Pawn?”

Su Mu scoffed. “No thanks. Too skinny. Not even two liang^[1] of meat on her, and stewing her would just waste firewood.”

Li Lizhi was so furious she nearly toppled over.

How dare this man compare her to pork?!

“Besides,”

Su Mu switched the plate to his other hand so the little girl would not knock it over. “With someone this big standing around, unable to be eaten or drunk, I’d still have to feed her? My temple is too small to support freeloaders.”

“You!”

Li Lizhi had never suffered such indignity in her entire life. Her chest heaved violently, and her fingertips trembled as she pointed at Su Mu. “Who needs you to feed them?! This princess… I…”

“Gurgle, gurgle!”

A terribly ill-timed rumble echoed once more from beneath Li Lizhi’s exquisitely tailored ruqun.

This time the sound was louder and longer, reverberating through the cramped woodshed until one could even hear her stomach churning in desperate pleas for food.

Li Lizhi’s voice cut off abruptly.

The pretty face that had just been ablaze with fury flushed so red it looked ready to drip blood.

She instinctively pressed a hand to her belly, wishing she could find a crack in the ground to crawl into.

How utterly humiliating!

Why did her stomach have to betray her like this!

Yet she truly could not be blamed.

The plate of braised pork belly sat just a few chi^[2] away.

It consisted of premium cuts with alternating layers of fat and lean meat, cloaked in a thick, glistening amber sugar glaze.

With Su Mu’s movements, the skin and fat wobbled gently on the plate, delightfully springy and utterly soul-stirring.

The rich aroma of caramel blended with savory rendered fat was utterly merciless, drilling through her nostrils straight into her stomach and coaxing an unstoppable flood of saliva into her mouth.

Su Mu raised an eyebrow, looking at the embarrassed beauty with a faint smirk. “Hungry?”

Li Lizhi bit her lower lip hard and turned her head away in silence, struggling to cling to her last shred of dignity.

Su Mu did not press the matter. He turned, sat back down on the smooth log, and gently pinched a piece with his chopsticks.

A gleaming, reddish-brown cube of meat was lifted into the air.

It had been stewed to absolute perfection. As it was picked up, the lower half sagged heavily, trembling so delicately that the slightest excess pressure threatened to shear right through the tender skin.

“Since the princess doesn’t want any, we won’t stand on ceremony.” Su Mu dangled the cube of meat in front of Xiao Sizi and gave it a slight wave. “Open up.”

Xiao Sizi had long been waiting for this. Her little head bobbed up and down following the meat, looking just like a baby chick waiting to be fed.

“Ah-nom!”

Xiao Sizi snapped it right up, not needing to chew at all.

The fatty portion had long since stewed to melt-in-the-mouth tenderness, leaving behind only rich oiliness and caramelized sweetness. The lean meat was saturated with savory juices, not stringy in the slightest, yet pleasantly tender and chewy!

“Mmh! Mmh-mmh!”

Xiao Sizi’s eyes went wide, and her little hands flailed excitedly through the air.

It was so dewisious!

A hundwed times more dewisious than yesterday’s fwied rice!

That sweet, savory, glistening burst of flavor exploded across her tongue, making Xiao Sizi feel like she was floating on air.

“Big bwother! More!” Xiao Sizi swallowed it whole, her mouth coated in reddish-brown sauce, and reached out with her greasy little hands to grab at the plate again.

Su Mu moved swiftly to block her. “It’s hot. Use chopsticks.”

He picked up another piece.

This time, Li Lizhi saw it even more clearly.

When the meat was pulled apart, one could even see the glistening, translucent threads of rendered fat within.

The fragrance rushed over her with the rising steam once more, fiercer than before, shooting straight to the top of her skull.

Li Lizhi’s throat bobbed uncontrollably.

She really was on the verge of giving in.

Palace etiquette, royal dignity, in the face of that trembling piece of braised pork, none of it seemed quite so important anymore.

Just what kind of sorcery is this?

How could pork possibly taste like this? How could it ever look this color?

After feeding Xiao Sizi the second piece, Su Mu looked up at Li Lizhi.

This usually aloof and haughty eldest princess was staring fixedly at the plate, her expression almost a carbon copy of Xiao Sizi’s just moments ago.

“Want some?” Su Mu drew a clean pair of chopsticks from the side and twirled them in his hand. “Nothing in life is free. If you want to eat, you have to work.”

Li Lizhi froze, wrenching her eyes away from the meat with great difficulty. “Wh… what kind of work?”

“See those?” Su Mu nodded his chin toward the corner.

A few dirty bowls used during prep work lay piled over there, alongside a grease-stained wooden basin.

“I’m lazy. Cooking is fine, but washing dishes isn’t for me.” Su Mu offered the chopsticks to her, his tone completely matter-of-fact. “If you eat my meat, you have to wash my dishes. Fair trade, right?”

Li Lizhi’s eyes went wide.

Wash dishes?

Her? The eldest princess of the Great Tang? Go wash those greasy, filthy bowls?

This was an utter humiliation!

If her Imperial Father found out, he would probably issue an imperial edict to raze this entire Imperial Kitchen to the ground!

“Y-You’re insolent!” Li Lizhi’s voice trembled with rage.

“Suit yourself.” Su Mu made as if to pull the chopsticks back. “There isn’t much meat left anyway. It’s barely enough to get stuck between Sizi’s teeth.”

“I wanna eat! If Eldew Sister won’t eat, I will!” Xiao Sizi shouted indistinctly from the side, her little mouth glistening with grease.

Li Lizhi watched her little sister’s blissful expression, then inhaled that maddeningly tempting aroma once more.

Two little figures were locked in combat inside her mind.

One said, You are a princess! You must maintain your dignity! That is lowly meat, and he is a servant. You cannot bow your head!

The other said, Just take one bite. Just one! Look how shiny the skin is, how tender the meat is. After eating this, you’ll never crave mutton stew again.

Finally.

Growl!

Her stomach protested once more, a rumble so loud it sent the rational little figure flying completely.

Li Lizhi took a deep breath, inhaling the air thick with the savory aroma of meat.

She snatched the chopsticks from Su Mu’s hand, moving so fast it seemed she feared she might change her mind.

“I… I’ll wash them!”

The words were forced out almost through gritted teeth.

The corner of Su Mu’s lips curved in a triumphant smirk as he pushed the plate closer to her. “Eat while it’s hot.”

Li Lizhi held the chopsticks, her hand still trembling slightly.

She picked up a piece of meat.

It was even softer than she had imagined.

She carefully placed it into her mouth.

Boom!

Li Lizhi froze instantly.

In that instant, she felt as if her entire tongue was enveloped by an intense, savory sweetness.

There was no gaminess, no foul odor.

Only the rich melt of fat upon the tip of her tongue and the caramelized sweetness of simmered rock sugar. Fatty without being greasy, lean without being dry, the rich complexity of flavors unfurled across her palate in wave after wave!

How could anything in the world taste this good?!

Li Lizhi had originally intended to take just a single bite, wanting only to taste what sort of delicacy had so thoroughly bewitched her little sister.

But with that one bite, her chopsticks simply could not stop.

A second piece.

A third piece.

…

Inside this dilapidated, dim woodshed, the most noble eldest princess of the Great Tang stood by the stove completely devoid of decorum, putting her head together with Xiao Sizi as they launched a full-scale assault on a plate of braised pork.

“Elder Sister! Dat’s da one I wanted!”

“Be good, Sizi. This piece is fatty. Elder Sister will eat it for you so it isn’t too greasy for you.”

“Liar! Elder Sister already ate thwee fatty pieces just now!”

In just a matter of moments.

The plate was scraped clean.

Even the last trace of sauce had been wiped clean by Li Lizhi using the tips of her chopsticks.

She stared blankly at the empty plate, then touched the corner of her mouth where sauce lingered, before suddenly snapping back to reality.

Good heavens!

What had she just done?

She had actually fought her little sister for food? And devoured it with such a complete lack of decorum in front of a mere handyman?

A belated wave of shame surged in her heart.

“Full yet?” Su Mu’s voice drifted over lazily.

He was leaning against a stack of firewood, holding a bowl of caramel milk tea, taking a leisurely sip.

Li Lizhi’s face flushed red as a boiled shrimp. She kept her head down, not daring to look at him, and let out a mosquito-quiet “Mm.”

“All right then.” Su Mu pointed toward the corner. “Time to work.”

Li Lizhi looked at the pile of dirty bowls, then down at the priceless Shu Brocade^[3] palace gown she was wearing.

Having eaten his food, she was in no position to complain.

If she went back on what she had just agreed to, and this handyman went around spreading the word…

Li Lizhi gritted her teeth, walked over to the corner, and squatted down.

She clumsily rolled up her sleeves, revealing forearms as fair and white as winter frost.

Those slender, delicate hands had only ever touched the zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting^[4]. When had they ever touched greasy bowls and chopsticks?

She extended a single finger and tentatively poked the greasy wooden basin, her face filled with disgust and helplessness.

“Where is the water?” Li Lizhi turned around and asked aggrievedly.

“In the vat. Scoop it yourself.” Su Mu sat with his legs crossed, showing not the slightest intention of helping.

Xiao Sizi, however, was quite loyal. Thrusting out her round little tummy, she waddled over, squatted beside her, and waved her little fist. “Keep it up, Older Sister! Wash dem really clean, and big bwother will give us yummy meat to eat again next time!”

Li Lizhi nearly choked on her own breath.

As she struggled to ladle water from the vat, she cursed Su Mu ten thousand times in her heart.

This man… this man was an absolute scoundrel!

Yet he was also… a scoundrel who cooked remarkably well.

As she resentfully scrubbed a plate, the lingering savory flavor in her mouth kept echoing, stirring a faint, unexpected sense of anticipation for their next “deal.”

Su Mu watched her back as she squatted in the corner, the corners of his mouth curving slightly.

The eldest princess of the Great Tang washing dishes was truly quite a sight to behold.

But her dishwashing technique, on the other hand…

“Hey, hey, hey! That’s the dishcloth, not for wiping tables!”

“Scrub the back of the plate, too! The grease is getting all over your hands!”

“Be gentle! That’s my only soup bowl. If you break it, you’re staying here as collateral to pay off the debt!”

Inside the woodshed, chaos erupted.