Chapter 5: A Breakdown Amid Cries of “Goudan”

In front of the Wang Family’s house next door.

Two children, Juanjuan and Wang Dachui, looked up at the sky at the same time.

A thick column of black smoke was rising into the air—unusually dark and ominous.

“Wow! That’s some seriously black smoke! Juanjuan, it looks like—”

Before Dachui could finish, Juanjuan had already taken off running.

“Wait for me!”

Dachui hurriedly chased after her.

Juanjuan had barely stepped into her courtyard before she saw it: her dilapidated kitchen, choking the air with thick, black smoke.

Every crack and crevice was spewing thick black smoke with a loud whooshing sound.

Suddenly, someone stumbled out of the kitchen, coughing violently. He looked completely dazed, as if the smoke had fried his brain.

He stood frozen in the courtyard, and under Juanjuan’s gaze, opened his mouth in a daze—and exhaled a huge puff of black smoke.

Juanjuan: ……

Bai Tian, who had just caught sight of Juanjuan: ……

【Oh crap, oh crap! This is so embarrassing!!!】

【Who would’ve thought cooking could be this hard? I know the steps, I know the theory, but my hands just won’t cooperate!】

Bai Tian was on the verge of a mental breakdown, but outwardly he remained calm—he had to maintain the image of a responsible father in front of his daughter!

Juanjuan listened to her father’s mental screams, then looked at the smoke still pouring from the kitchen. She tentatively asked, “Papa… were you trying to cook?”

Bai Tian coughed twice and tried to sound composed. “Mm. Papa has come to his senses. I’m going to be the pillar of this family. You’re still too young, Juanjuan. Cooking is too hard on you.”

Juanjuan glanced at the still-smoking kitchen.

Honestly, cleaning up that smoke-stained mess would be even more exhausting.

The corner of Bai Tian’s mouth twitched. “That was an accident! I haven’t cooked in ages, that’s all! Just a little rusty, that’s all!”

“I’ll clean it up right away. Juanjuan, just wait here!”

Bai Tian spoke with confidence, sounding utterly dependable. Then he turned and marched back toward the kitchen.

【What do I do, what do I do? Why is cooking in ancient times so hard?! I miss pre-made meals and takeout so much!!!】

【Back home, all I could make was fried eggs, instant noodles, maybe tomato and egg stir-fry at best.】

【I miss gas stoves, microwaves, and induction cookers! Someone help me light the fire already!!】

The last rays of the setting sun were faint, filtering through the black smoke. Bai Tian’s figure, silhouetted in the haze, looked like a brush painting—bold and resolute. Even his slightly limping leg gave off the air of a battle-hardened general, wounded yet striding alone onto the battlefield.

“Juanjuan, your dad… looks so cool!”

Dachui’s eyes widened. In that moment, he truly thought Juanjuan’s dad was awesome!

But Juanjuan, who could hear her father’s inner voice: …

Just as Bai Tian was about to try lighting the fire again, a small hand tugged at his sleeve.

“Papa, let me do it.”

A voice like a savior’s hymn rang out.

The little girl stood beside him, backlit by the faint glow of the setting sun through the doorway. At that moment, she was Bai Tian’s guardian angel.

“Oh—okay!”

Bai Tian immediately stepped aside.

Watching the child skillfully light the fire, Bai Tian once again felt that the Original Host had really been a piece of work.

“Juanjuan, you’re amazing! So impressive!”

Bai Tian genuinely admired the little girl. He rolled up his sleeves, ready to help with the cooking.

But Juanjuan quickly said, “Papa, let me handle the cooking.”

Bai Tian: 【That look… is she doubting my cooking skills?】

Juanjuan lowered her head nervously. She… was afraid her father might poison the whole family.

【Forget it. What if I undercook something and it turns toxic? Who knows how old these beans are.】

Bai Tian thought about his wife lying inside, thought about his own cooking skills, and sheepishly chose to back down.

By the time Jiang Dai came out, the black smoke had mostly dissipated.

She stepped outside and saw her obedient daughter cooking in the shabby little kitchen, while her cheap husband stood nearby holding a chipped bowl, watching eagerly.

Jiang Dai: …

Why did this family feel so unreliable?

Dinner was extremely simple—a thin vegetable soup with a few wild greens floating in it, and some rather ugly-looking flatbreads.

Juanjuan habitually sat in the corner of the table, but Jiang Dai frowned slightly and gently called to her.

“Juanjuan, come sit here.”

Watching the little girl carry her bowl over and obediently sit between her and her cheap husband, Jiang Dai nodded in satisfaction.

【Of course a child should sit between Mama and Papa! Such a well-behaved kid—people in the modern era would be green with envy!】

“Here, Juanjuan, eat up!” Bai Tian handed her the first flatbread. “You cooked, so you get the first bite!”

Juanjuan was caught off guard by the gesture, but she quietly accepted the flatbread and started eating.

In her ears, though, she could hear her parents’ inner grumbling.

Mom: 【It’s fine, it’s just transmigration! Probably a farming novel setup—painless motherhood and a path to riches!】

【Now I finally understand why transmigrators always say, ‘Since I’m here, I might as well make the best of it.’】

【It’s because there’s no other choice! That’s the only way to comfort yourself!】

Dad: 【This flatbread is like chewing sawdust! We’re so poor. How the hell are we going to get rich?】

【Ugh, no money, and three half-grown boys lying sick in bed. In the modern world, who would dare have three sons?!】

【They usually get worse at night when the fever hits. Who knows if these three can pull through.】

The two newly transmigrated adults were deep in mental analysis and complaints, completely unaware that little Juanjuan was practically burying her head in her bowl.

Juanjuan listened to her parents’ thoughts and quietly digested them. She kept her nerves taut, already forming her own conclusions: she couldn’t let anyone know her parents had changed.

No matter what, her parents were different now.

And… she liked them this way.

Besides, she still wasn’t used to being too close to them, and didn’t dare dig too deeply into what had happened.

Juanjuan thought this was just fine.

It was her parents’ secret—and hers too.

As for Goudan, the Eldest Brother who had briefly woken up during the day only to pass out again, Juanjuan’s small brain had already filed him away to the side.

Dinner ended, and cleanup was done.

Jiang Dai and Bai Tian stood by the bed, looking at their three “discount” sons.

“Why haven’t these three woken up yet?” Jiang Dai asked.

Bai Tian shook his head. “No idea.”

Jiang Dai bent down and gently nudged the boys. “Goudan? Da Mao? Er Mao?”

In a daze, Bai Yunqi thought he heard someone calling him—Goudan again!

And just like that, he remembered the reality he didn’t want to face.

Failed ascension. Struck by lightning. Borrowed a corpse to resurrect his soul. No spiritual energy. Unable to cultivate. And worst of all… his name was Goudan!

“Cough, cough, cough!”

“He’s awake! Goudan is awake!” Jiang Dai turned to share the good news with her cheap husband.

“Goudan! You’re finally awake!” Bai Tian instantly switched into doting father mode.

But Bai Yunqi, hearing his name repeated over and over, was on the verge of a breakdown!

【Stop calling me Goudan!】

【Goudan, Goudan! Can’t I have a name that sounds elegant and refined?!】

Just as he was being bombarded by his parents’ joyful cries, little Juanjuan peeked over to look at her Eldest Brother.

Oh right, she’d forgotten—Eldest Brother had changed too.

“Big… Brother?”

A soft, hesitant voice broke through the chorus of “Goudan”s.

To Bai Yunqi, it was like music from the heavens.

Finally, someone wasn’t calling him Goudan!

Bai Yunqi snapped his head up and saw, through the gap between his parents, the tiny figure of his little sister.

She looked so pitiful, clearly the lowest in the family hierarchy, doing the most work, and now staring at him with a mix of curiosity and fear.

In that moment, Bai Yunqi recalled all the stories from the Immortal Cultivation World about people who had borrowed bodies to return to life—and what happened when they were discovered.

【No one can find out that Goudan is dead and someone else is in his body. If they do, I could be in danger too.】

【I can’t break character. The biggest taboo of Borrowing a Corpse to Resurrect the Soul is being exposed. So, Yunqi, hold it together. No one can know you’re not the original Gou! Dan!】

In the span of a heartbeat, Bai Yunqi had already formulated his plan.

His gaze fell on Juanjuan, only to see her eyes dart away, clearly a little scared.

Thinking of how the original Goudan had treated Juanjuan, Bai Yunqi didn’t blame her.

She was just a four-year-old child—no need to be overly cautious with her.

The ones he really needed to watch out for were the “parents” standing right in front of him.