Chapter 61

So, I’ve never done well enough.

She just never said it out loud.

—Zhang Lurang

—

The barbecue restaurant was bustling with noise and chatter.

The warm yellow lighting shone down, blending with the sounds around them, giving the place a cozy atmosphere.

The world outside felt distant, as if it had nothing to do with them.

Zhang Lurang, sitting in front of her, had grown sharper with age, his facial contours becoming more defined and cold.

His once slightly long hair, which used to cover part of his eyebrows, had been cut short, making him look less lazy and more clean-cut.

Even though he was surrounded by this noisy crowd, he still seemed detached from it all—like he didn’t belong to the mortal world.

There was an undeniable sense of distance about him.

Yet, this very person had just confessed to her with a serious expression moments ago.

A warmth spread through Su Zai Zai’s heart, and she suddenly called out to him, “Rang Rang.”

Hearing her voice, Zhang Lurang lifted his eyes slightly, as if waiting for her to continue.

But when she didn’t say anything else, he glanced at the several empty plates on the table and asked, “Still hungry?”

With that one sentence, all the distance between them dissolved.

“Give me your WeChat.” Su Zai Zai suddenly changed the topic out of nowhere.

Zhang Lurang was momentarily stunned but didn’t ask why. He instinctively handed his phone to her.

Su Zai Zai smiled, her eyes curving into crescents, but instead of taking the phone, she simply answered his earlier question. “Hungry.”

Zhang Lurang gave her a confused look, then quickly responded with a soft “Mm.”

He set his phone back on the table and placed a few more pieces of meat on the grill.

Su Zai Zai rested her chin on her hand, watching him cook.

His long fingers held the metal brush as he slowly and meticulously cleaned the grill, sweeping away the charred remnants. Occasionally, he used the tongs to flip the meat, brushing barbecue sauce over the sizzling pieces.

Noticing that his bowl and chopsticks had barely been touched, Su Zai Zai lowered her head slightly. Then, she picked up a piece of meat with her chopsticks and held it up to his mouth.

Zhang Lurang took a bite and chewed slowly.

A moment later, Su Zai Zai grabbed another pair of tongs and transferred the cooked meat from the grill to his bowl. Then she asked, “Rang Rang, have you decided on a date?”

Zhang Lurang’s hand paused mid-motion. “What date?”

She didn’t explain and simply continued, “Let me know in advance, so I can dress up nicely.”

Her words, combined with their earlier conversation, made Zhang Lurang realize what she was referring to in an instant.

He hesitated for a moment before asking, “Do I really need to tell you in advance?”

“Of course! That way, I can even give you some pointers.”

Zhang Lurang had been taking the conversation seriously, but after hearing that, he immediately snapped out of his thoughts.

He shot her a look and said in a low voice, “I don’t need you to teach me.”

Su Zai Zai didn’t mind his response at all. She grinned, clearly in a great mood.

“I think we’re already doing great like this.”

“You can propose whenever you find the time. If you don’t, I will.”

“Then after we graduate, we’ll get our marriage certificate. Slowly save up for a wedding and a house.”

At this point, she paused, her expression filled with longing.

“Our names will be tied together forever.”

“For a lifetime.”

Zhang Lurang suddenly found himself at a loss for words.

He stared into Su Zai Zai’s eyes, his lips parting slightly.

“If that’s the case, you’d have to live with me in a rented apartment.”

Su Zai Zai froze for a second, surprised that he didn’t respond the way he usually did.

She didn’t dwell on it too much. Instead, she looked into his eyes seriously and said, “That sounds great too.”

No matter what, she felt that everything would be good as long as they were together.

Zhang Lurang fell silent. He murmured, “If only I were a few years older than you.”

That way, he could be standing firmly on his own by now, waiting for her to graduate and giving her a stable future.

She wouldn’t have to feel burdened by anything because he would be there as her support.

If only that were the case.

He wanted her to live happily, always.

He didn’t want the harsh reality of stepping out of school and into a cruel, competitive world to grind away her brightness and spirit.

“Huh? But you are a year older than me.”

Zhang Lurang swallowed, his Adam’s apple moving slightly. Then, with complete seriousness, he said, “After graduation, give me two years.”

Su Zai Zai was caught off guard. She blinked and asked in confusion, “For what?”

“I want to give you everything other people have.” His voice was a little hoarse, as if he was afraid of upsetting her. “And everything they don’t have, I want to give you that too.”

Hearing his words, Su Zai Zai instantly understood what he meant.

Her gaze slowly dropped, her long lashes concealing her emotions.

For the first time, she couldn’t comprehend his way of thinking.

She poked at the meat in her bowl with her chopsticks and said coolly, “I don’t see anything wrong with things as they are now. Why do you have to shoulder everything alone for us to have a good life?”

Zhang Lurang struggled to put his feelings into words.

The table fell into silence.

Su Zai Zai couldn’t stand the oppressive atmosphere. She bit her lip and set her chopsticks down.

When she lifted her head again, her eyes were already tinged with red, brimming with unshed tears.

She held back her sobs and asked, “Am I the only one who wants this?”

Memories flashed through her mind, one after another.

—“You refuse to give me a proper title.”

—“Kiss me, and then I’ll let you go.”

—“If you’re coming with me, we have to stay in the same hotel room.”

Zhang Lurang panicked. He immediately grabbed a few tissues and stood up to move beside her.

Before he could say anything, Su Zai Zai stood up as well, her voice choking with emotion.

“I’m the only one who ever wanted this.”

With that, she pushed past him and headed for the exit.

Her tone, her reaction, her words—

They felt like an emotion that had been bottled up for a long time, finally bursting free.

Yet at the same time, it seemed like just a fleeting moment of anger.

Zhang Lurang’s breath hitched, his heart clenched tight as if something was gnawing at it, suffocating him.

The pain was unbearable.

He grabbed her bag from the chair without hesitation and immediately followed after her.

Su Zai Zai didn’t have a good sense of direction. As soon as she stepped out of the door, she turned left and walked forward with her head down.

It happened to be a crowded street, and she pushed through the throng, moving forward without pause.

Zhang Lu Rang quickly caught up, grabbing her wrist and pulling her into his arms.

She didn’t resist, nor did she say a word.

Zhang Lu Rang placed his palm on the back of her head and coaxed softly, “Don’t cry.”

There were too many people around. After a moment of hesitation, Zhang Lu Rang held her hand and led her back.

Su Zai Zai obediently followed behind him.

As soon as they reached a quieter place, Su Zai Zai suddenly flung his hand away and walked to the side of the road, trying to hail a cab.

Zhang Lu Rang pulled her back again, his voice carrying a plea. “Zai Zai…”

Her tears still fell, drop by drop, but her movements gradually stilled.

She remained silent, as if waiting for his explanation.

Zhang Lu Rang reached out to wipe her tears away, his voice at a loss. “Don’t cry… then let’s do it after graduation, okay? No need to wait two years… I…”

He just needed to work harder.

It didn’t matter if he struggled, as long as she could live well.

But his words didn’t bring Su Zai Zai any joy.

She sniffled, then used her other hand to pull his away.

She spoke, each word heavy with emotion.

“Zhang Lu Rang.”

“I’m always the one forcing you.”

Zhang Lu Rang’s lips moved, but before he could say anything, Su Zai Zai covered her eyes with one hand and spoke again.

“You don’t like taking the initiative—I do, and I thought that was fine.”

“I know you’re not good at these things, so I did them all. I really thought it didn’t matter.”

“But after so long, I don’t even know if what I’m doing is right.”

Her tears slipped through her fingers.

Her voice was eerily calm, yet filled with a deep, crushing humility.

“I can’t help but wonder…”

She choked up. “Maybe… you never wanted this at all.”